And then the sun shone down

This morning started off rocky, but when I was in the depths of a woe-is-me attitude Charlie showed me his shining little happy spirit, showered me with smiles and coos, and he dug me out of it. Amazing that my little boy is already teaching me lessons in hope and strength- it's quite humbling.

The rest of our day was spent out on the boat. I'm pretty sure the bean is going to be a water baby. He was so easy going and content to just take everything in and look around. I'm so lucky to have him. The best thing about the afternoon: Charlie pretty much kept all his feedings down!

Here's a shot Joe took the other day after I just got home from my first hair salon appointment in over a year and a half-woohoo!
Thanks to Joe for giving me the opportunity to pencil in some alone time! Here's a new mantra of mine: In order to be a good nurturer I must also nurture myself.

Feeling Dejected

Forgive me for complaining but....After a rough night this morning I looked over into the bassinet and saw a little smile on Charlie's face. Five minutes after taking his medicine and a good feeding he threw everything up. I don't understand why this has to keep happening to my poor little boy. It's just not fair.

Very Superstitious...

As a new Mommy I have become extremely careful of what I say, fearful of the possible repercussions. It seems as though every time I verbalize that Charlie is doing better, he undoubtedly takes a turn for the worse soon after.

My poor bean came down with his first cold on his four month birthday. In addition to the cold, his reflux, which had leveled off for a few days, started to aggravate too. Tonight he threw up five or six times (I lost count after I was drenched and he was drenched several times over). I'm not sure if it was from the mucous in his throat or the reflux, but it happened to be right after I said I thought he was getting much better-guess not! But I digress...

I have also been apprehensive in answering questions about Charlie's sleeping habits. He has been such a good sleeper-when he feels well-that I feel like he is an angel baby. It's as though I need a charm or wood to knock on when I answer that question!

This morning I was clearing out Charlie's closest of the onesies and other clothes that are too small for him. I came across this really cute one-piece feety-pajama and thought maybe I'll give this a try for bedtime instead of the onesie and sleep sack I've been doing over the past several weeks. Then I thought again and said 'if it aint broke don't fix it!'

It's crazy but I feel as though the "path of mommyhood" that I'm walking down is covered in eggshells. Hopefully we'll find more solid ground around the next bend.

Ahhh...vacation

Joe took this week off so we could have some family fun with the bean. The past few days we've spent motoring around on our boat and picnicking in our favorite spots. Here's a shot of Captain Charlie at the helm (Daddy asked to be cropped out):
















And here's a shot of the view by day...
















And by night...
















Days like today make me so thankful to live in New England :o)

And a side of Charlie fingers please...

The only thing my son is currently interested in eating are his fingers. We're definitely in the teething phase. They must be delish because he is always happy when he's munching on them :o)

My child just loves to be clean...

Need I say more?

Ahh, the good life...

Charlie had his first pool party today thanks to an invitation from one of our new Mommy-baby friends.
















As you can see Charlie had a really tough time getting comfortable ha, ha!

A fun, busy week

Joe was out of town on business this week so I made multiple plans in advance of his trip to keep Charlie and I (read: me) busy. I don't cope well with my husband being away so it helps to divert my attention as much as possible.

We spent two glorious days with my sister and her family on Long Island. It was a ton of fun and great to reconnect with my sis. Then my Mom slept over our house, thanks Mom! Finally, last night Charlie and I did dinner with my sister-in-law.

Right now my three men are all sleeping on this sunny Saturday afternoon: Joe trying to catch a few zzzs after getting off a red eye flight, Charlie peacefully snoring away his afternoon nap, and Malcolm doing what cats do best for 20 out of 24 hours a day ;o)

Shopaholic

This afternoon Charlie was a particularly chipper mood so I decided to venture out and make a trip over to TJ Maxx. In my pre-baby days I spent hours scouring the sales racks, finding treasures amidst the less-desirable-items. Ahh, so much has changed- for the good, mind you.

I set out with a goal to find some t-shirts for myself and what did I end up with? Four photo albums (to fill with photos of the bean), a pair of loafers, a pack of socks, and two outfits from Eddie Bauer, all for the bean.

My downfall started with the Eddie Bauer outfits- who can turn down a mini puffer/fleece lined vest layered over a waffle knit henley all topped off with the most adorable pants?? Not I, I tell you. I know buying a puffer vest for a baby is completely and utterly impractical, but who the heck cares when I know how cute Charlie's going to look in them?!

Charlie's Favorite Moment of the Day

As a part of our night-time routine, Charlie gets a bath right around 9pm. He adores the bath, but I swear there is something he loves more than the bath itself. It is getting out of the bath and being wrapped up like a baby burrito that sends him over the edge into baby nirvana. He opens his mouth as huge as he can in a state of total glee.

(Mini)Smithers

This is how my baby looks nearly all the time since he has discovered that he has hands. They are either being twidled Dr. Evil style or he attempts to shove both hands, all fingers, into his mouth simultaneously.

He's plotting worldwide domination. Supercute.

Me thinks he's onto me...

Last night I tried out a new product on Charlie to help with administering his meds. Reliadose promises to easily get medications into your baby without them even noticing. It has this crazy dual chambered nipple that you insert a syringe with the pre-measured dosage into the middle of the bottle. Then you can slowly push the meds into baby's mouth while they are drinking something they love. Sounds great, right?

I clearly cannot pull the wool over my son's eyes, because everytime I gave a little push on the syringe Charlie got this disgusted look on his face that spoke volumes~This woman is trying to poison me! He stopped drinking and then would start up again on his merry way and then I would try again. The last 'shot' of meds produced a priceless look that I wish I could have captured with the camera because his whole face wrinkled up and I had to laugh out loud. Poor guy. Guess we'll go back to trying to shoot the stuff down his throat ala that water balloon game at carnivals...fun, fun, fun!

Mommy brain...

Strikes again. So, there were a few noteworthy facts I forgot to mention in my last monthly update on the bean:

About two weeks ago Joe was playing with the bean on the play gym mat and Charlie decided it was time to roll over. Joe plopped him on his tummy and again we witnessed another roll over Charlie-style. We haven't had a repeat performance since then but we managed to get it on videotape so it is documented ha, ha!

Also, at the beginning of the month and then again at the end of the month Joe was sticking his tongue out at Charlie (I know we're already teaching him bad habits LOL), and Charlie stuck his little tongue out too, it was absolutely adorable. He was definitely mimicking because he did it several times over after watching Joe - so cute.

Finally, the bean has been reaching and grabbing for things now, mostly they are things attached to Mommy- read-hair and necklaces=ouch!

Charlie is 13 weeks old today are here are some shots from a mini photo shoot that we had while dinner was cooking.

Love this shot of the feet!
















We love our bumbo.
















Maa...can you stop with the pictures already?! I'm trying to attend to serious business here...
















I swear my bean is starting to look more like a little boy and a lot less like a newborn, eeek!

Three Month Birthday

My sweet baby,

Your first three months of life have not been the easiest on you or your mama. I’ve been close to a minor mental breakdown on more occasions than I can count, but never think, sweet boy, that it was ever your fault. If I could just stand in your place and take the pain for you…I wish God would let me.

Having to stand there helpless while you are hurting feels like my chest is being cleaved open and my heart torn out. I know eventually we’ll find a solution for you or you will grow out of this phase.

There are moments when you look at me so adoringly and smile a big toothless grin. In those moments the clouds part and I can close my eyes and literally feel the warmth on the sun shining down on me. Your smile can soothe any wound in my heart.

Despite all of your tummy troubles this past month, you’re still thriving and eagerly taking in this new world. You love blowing bubbles with your mouth and razzing, which is the cutest damned thing in the world if I do say so myself.

Sometimes we’ll be driving somewhere and I can hear you blowing raspberries. It always makes me laugh.

You absolutely adore the monkey on your bouncy seat, sometimes I wonder which of us you like better: me or that monkey- ha, ha just kidding. You’re so much more vocal, you love to talk (not much of the grunting anymore) and we have daily conversations over diaper changes.

Daddy and I try to take you for a nightly walk now since it seems to keep you from crying and diverts your attention. I notice you paying special attention to trees.

Your favorite time of the day is bath time. There is something about the sink in the kitchen that is pure magic for you.

You’ve baptized me several times over by this point. About the third week home from the hospital I was changing your diaper and admiring your cute little butt. Just as I went in to kiss a cheek, you farted right in my face. I could help but laugh at your perfect timing.

Then the other day I was holding you after a feeding and talking to you, you let out this monster belch that sprayed formula all over my face.

Apparently you have a sense of humor :o) One of the many qualities that I look forward to learning more about, little man. Who you’re becoming…always know that whoever that may be that I will love you and protect you in every way I can.

Love always,

Mommy

The bean is 1/4 of a year old!

As promised, a couple shots from Charlie's 3 month birthday:

Lessons in patience...

Today Charlie would only eat an ounce at each feeding. Then tonight Joe and I were able to coax him into taking a whopping three ounces after dinner and we were so happy to get just a little more in his belly.

Well all of ten minutes later Charlie was crying (as he often does in the evening) and apparently that was enough to make his stomach want to empty its contents completely.

Back to square one, it can be so defeating at times. His last two meals, sticking to his onesie, not where they should be. He was so incredibly upset (rightly so) because it came out of his nose and I'm sure that burned and hurt even more. We plopped him right into the bath and within minutes he was smiling with those beautiful blue twinkling eyes. Mama was not in the same frame of mind, it's harder for me to recover.

He's sleeping peacefully right next to me now. It's quiet times like this that I will look at him and am in total awe of his beauty, it catches me in my lungs (if that even makes sense). He is the air that I breath. I pray that we can find a way to help him feel better...and soon.

Reflux is the devil

Just when things seemed to be getting better, we took a turn for the worse. Poor Charlie began regressing last week and over the weekend we were back to hours of crying and feedings of an ounce-yes that's one ounce for my three month old baby (who should be taking 5-6ozs per feeding). He refused to eat, it's obvious he is in pain. Because he isn't eating enough during the day we're now getting up in the middle of the night too- woohoo!

I hate this, I feel helpless(nearly always), hopeless (at times) and clueless (often). Helpless when my baby is crying and nothing I try to do can help make it better. Clueless because as a new mom I feel a bit lost. I can't even focus on stimulating and helping Charlie develop more when he doesn't feel well. It feels as though every time we take a step forward in this process, that we ultimately end up taking two steps back. We are on a reflux rollercoaster, one day can be amazing and the next nightmarish. Somebody get me off this damned ride!

Tomorrow we are going to have an ultrasound to rule out pyloric stenosis and any other possible abnormalities. I'm praying everything comes back normal because I might have a minor mental breakdown if someone has to actually cut into my child.

This has not been easy on the marriage either. Joe and I have been short with each other, barking back and forth-blame it on the frazzled nerves. That, coupled with the hormone fog I'm wading through right now (thank you Aunt Flo), is adding fuel to the fire.

Despite all of this we had a couple of moments of bliss today where I was able to capture a few shots of my little bean and document his 3 month birthday. I'll have to post them tomorrow because now I need some sleep and a little time to remind myself of the blessings in my life...

3 months old

Our first try with the bumbo...

Charlie was not so sure about it, but he
let me entertain myself for a few minutes!

A crazy busy week...

You ever have a week that by the time you get to Friday you can barely remember what happened to you on Monday? That has been my week.

I'll run through the things I can remember ha, ha. Monday I was still recovering from the baptism and just ran out of the house to get groceries. Charlie did great until the evening when he had another bout of crying for hours.

Tuesday we had a Mom group through my pediatrician's office and I ended up getting Charlie weighed because he had not been eating well and was getting fussier. He did gain weight but still is small for his age so my pedi and GI doc wanted us to increase the dosage for Charlie's meds yet again.

Wednesday was an adventure. Charlie and I took our first trip to Long Island alone to visit my sister. It was wonderful, but the time flew by too fast. My stomach was in semi-knots from the three + hours of driving on my own but Charlie was a dream baby and slept through most of the trips. Of course we made up for it by the time we got home and he gave me his evening tears.

Thursday was hot, hot, hot! Went for a walk at the beach with some local mommies and ended up chatting for hours and having lunch together.

And finally today we had another mom group get together (my saving grace and an open therapy session!) Spoke to the docs yet again as the bean has been-err-vomiting more the past few days and started to make me worry. So now we are adding oatmeal cereal to his formula to try and keep it down where it belongs-in his tummy.

A recap of what Charlie gets at feeding times: super expensive liquid gold formula, prune juice to prevent constipation from super expensive formula, oatmeal cereal to keep down formula, prevacid and pepcid. I think we're seeing an improvement, which is awesome- because I'm not sure if I could juggle another addition in the current rotation!

11 weeks 4 days

A beautiful day.

Little Bean,

Today was a big day for you, little man. You were baptized. Mommy spent most of the morning sick to her stomach worried that you were going to wail through the whole church service, but you were a little angel. You cried only when pastor took you from my arms and gently poured the water over your head. But then you settled in and-oh.my.word.-actually fell asleep. I was so happy to see you peaceful that I just decided to hold you in my arms for the whole service, rather than put you in the car seat. Actually, I was too chicken to put you down because you were being sooo good!

We had a fantastic brunch- at this beautiful Italian restaurant on a local golf course- with all your cousins, three fairy godmothers (as I fondly call them), Mima and the rest of your family. The food was fantastic and your cake was delish too-sorry you couldn't enjoy little bean, we'll have to make for lost time when you sprout some teeth! Everything was so relaxed at the restaurant and the weather was gorgeous, so everyone could enjoy the deck and the pretty view.

Then we had everyone over at the house, we baked cookies and cupcakes with the cousins, played in the garden, picked bouquets of hydrangeas, watched tv and just had a great time together. We also made a stop over to Grandma and Grandpas.

Daddy and I both felt so blessed to have family celebrate this special day with you. It couldn't have been more perfect.

10 weeks 6 days old