Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Month in Pictures

Here is what we've been up to for the month of December.
Baking cookies
 Cuddling with Daddy on chilly nights
 Chatting it up with Santa (don't mind the not so friendly elf)
 Building and decorating gingerbread houses (thank you Ikea for a $4 set)
 Visiting the big, big city (so bummed the beans eyes were closed in this shot)
 Baking more cookies! for parties, teachers, friends, mailmen and garbage men
 Dining with our closest moose friends
 Erecting a chicken coop worthy of it's name (Monticello) 
Kudos to the hubby on this masterpiece
 The girls (all six of them) seem to love it
 Mama was sewing up a storm (first projects since home ec) 
a construction blanket, pillow and toolbelt
 celebrating the birth of our savior
 opening presents
 loving our presents (score one for mama on this tag sale crane)
 Getting very excited for our first snowstorm
 Fixing up the house with our new tool belt
 Whoa! Snow!
 How do I get out there to play in it?!
 Providing Daddy with moral support
 Visiting the Museum of Natural History ( Dinosaurs and Butterflies!)

What a month!  We went through another rough patch with sleep issues in the first half of the month but right now for the past 5 days we have been sleeping through and doing wonderfully, no screaming/crying/etc.  Last night Charlie was blowing me kisses when I walked out of his room and then shouted to the wall "I love you Mommy", he melts my heart- I shouted it back to him.  I wish we could stop the ticking of the clock and just soak up the beauty of this time.  I know I will keep that and many other beautiful moments from this month locked away in my heart.

Looks like we'll be jumping back into the fertility treatments in the next week or so.  Any prayers you could offer up would be most appreciated and this is a costly process both emotionally and financially.

Wishing everyone a happy new year that is abundantly filled with God's blessings!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Taking a break

This blog is turning more into a monthly update than a daily chronicling of my life. I think it's just where I am right now mentally, emotionally.

Our first month of working with a specialist and using oral and injectable drugs, lots of bloodwork, ultrasounds, and yet another failure. I was supposed to have a pregnancy test yesterday. I got my period on Tuesday- here I go with TMI, but my cycles continue to shorten in length and it just concerns me that I wouldn't even be able to support a pregnancy should in the off chance that actually might happen. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor on the results of the latest bloodwork.

I decided to take a break from trying to conceive for the month of December. Truly I had no idea how difficult a journey this was going to be when Joe and I embarked on this many months ago. And when we had professional interventive help where I was being monitored on sometimes, a daily basis, I had no idea the level of stress it would burden me with.

Every month I run the gamut of emotions. It truly is a rollercoaster where I soar to the highest hopes and then crash and I contemplate if God even thinks me capable of mothering another child.

With the regular stresses that accompany the holidays I just decided I couldn't do it. The hormones that I inject myself with have affected my moods more than I would like to admit.

I have chosen to take this time to focus on myself more and try to become a more gentle, patient and loving mother to my son.

It is not easy when I literally ache to be pregnant and see so many friends with their beautiful families and so many others pregnant. I know God has his own perfect timing and his own perfect plan so I need to find peace in that.

I'll close this post with something a little more positive. Charlie's imagination is so incredible to watch at work right now. The other day he put on a pretend helmet and gloves when he was working with his digger. He also started using the oven in his pretend kitchen and baked a 'turkey pie' and spicy cookies for me. It was so adorable how he put the pan filled with fake food into the oven, turned the knobs and then took it out declaring it was very, very hot.

And his questioning is taking on a whole new level. He wants to understand everything, and often when we are in the car one question will lead to a thousand other ones. His favorite question used to be " What is x doing?" as in what is the truck doing and so on. Now he asks, "Mommy what is this song about, or what is that story about?" Truly children are little miracles.

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