A Month in Pictures

Here is what we've been up to for the month of December.

Baking cookies

 Cuddling with Daddy on chilly nights

 Chatting it up with Santa (don't mind the not so friendly elf)

 Building and decorating gingerbread houses (thank you Ikea for a $4 set)

 Visiting the big, big city (so bummed the beans eyes were closed in this shot)

 Baking more cookies! for parties, teachers, friends, mailmen and garbage men

 Dining with our closest moose friends

 Erecting a chicken coop worthy of it's name (Monticello) 

Kudos to the hubby on this masterpiece

 The girls (all six of them) seem to love it

 Mama was sewing up a storm (first projects since home ec) 

a construction blanket, pillow and toolbelt

 celebrating the birth of our savior

 opening presents

 loving our presents (score one for mama on this tag sale crane)

 Getting very excited for our first snowstorm

 Fixing up the house with our new tool belt

 Whoa! Snow!

 How do I get out there to play in it?!

 Providing Daddy with moral support

 Visiting the Museum of Natural History ( Dinosaurs and Butterflies!)

What a month!  We went through another rough patch with sleep issues in the first half of the month but right now for the past 5 days we have been sleeping through and doing wonderfully, no screaming/crying/etc.  Last night Charlie was blowing me kisses when I walked out of his room and then shouted to the wall "I love you Mommy", he melts my heart- I shouted it back to him.  I wish we could stop the ticking of the clock and just soak up the beauty of this time.  I know I will keep that and many other beautiful moments from this month locked away in my heart.

Looks like we'll be jumping back into the fertility treatments in the next week or so.  Any prayers you could offer up would be most appreciated and this is a costly process both emotionally and financially.

Wishing everyone a happy new year that is abundantly filled with God's blessings!

Taking a break

This blog is turning more into a monthly update than a daily chronicling of my life. I think it's just where I am right now mentally, emotionally.

Our first month of working with a specialist and using oral and injectable drugs, lots of bloodwork, ultrasounds, and yet another failure. I was supposed to have a pregnancy test yesterday. I got my period on Tuesday- here I go with TMI, but my cycles continue to shorten in length and it just concerns me that I wouldn't even be able to support a pregnancy should in the off chance that actually might happen. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor on the results of the latest bloodwork.

I decided to take a break from trying to conceive for the month of December. Truly I had no idea how difficult a journey this was going to be when Joe and I embarked on this many months ago. And when we had professional interventive help where I was being monitored on sometimes, a daily basis, I had no idea the level of stress it would burden me with.

Every month I run the gamut of emotions. It truly is a rollercoaster where I soar to the highest hopes and then crash and I contemplate if God even thinks me capable of mothering another child.

With the regular stresses that accompany the holidays I just decided I couldn't do it. The hormones that I inject myself with have affected my moods more than I would like to admit.

I have chosen to take this time to focus on myself more and try to become a more gentle, patient and loving mother to my son.

It is not easy when I literally ache to be pregnant and see so many friends with their beautiful families and so many others pregnant. I know God has his own perfect timing and his own perfect plan so I need to find peace in that.

I'll close this post with something a little more positive. Charlie's imagination is so incredible to watch at work right now. The other day he put on a pretend helmet and gloves when he was working with his digger. He also started using the oven in his pretend kitchen and baked a 'turkey pie' and spicy cookies for me. It was so adorable how he put the pan filled with fake food into the oven, turned the knobs and then took it out declaring it was very, very hot.

And his questioning is taking on a whole new level. He wants to understand everything, and often when we are in the car one question will lead to a thousand other ones. His favorite question used to be " What is x doing?" as in what is the truck doing and so on. Now he asks, "Mommy what is this song about, or what is that story about?" Truly children are little miracles.

Halloween..and other things

Our Halloween weekend extravaganza, was just that. We had three parties Fri-Sun and got our monies-worth out of that dragon costume! I was shocked by how much Charlie enjoyed it this year. He kept saying "Can we go to another house now?" This was after we had only planned on three houses. He had a blast!

In other news, we are moving along with a reproductive endocrinologist that we both really like. Joe and I have undergone lots of testing the past few weeks and, thank God, everything has come back positive. We have a follow up appointment this Friday to discuss starting our official plan so we'll see what that brings. I had to sign a release that says I am aware that there is a 30% chance of twins (and 10% risk of triplets) with the treatments we'll be undergoing. I'm leaving this one up in my maker's hands, he knows what I can handle and can't.

I'll leave you with some pictures from our weekend :o)

x-mas shot out-take

Between Apples and School

...This is what we've been up to.
We spent a beautiful Saturday in September at a friend's beach.

We went to the Big E (the biggest fair in the northeast) for the first time.
We saw tons of animals, ate fabulous food, saw the biggest pumpkin ever.

And we went on our first pony ride-thanks Trigger!

Last weekend we went to "touch a truck" and the fire department open house.
Charlie was in awe!

That's all for now :o)

Apple picking

Today we went apple picking with a bunch of friends, it was such a perfect autumn day. Charlie is getting over a mild cold and was in a much better mood, so he really enjoyed it. It's so hard when they are sick and miserable and can't sleep because they can't breath and you can't get out of the house- it drives Mommy crazy a little too!

I have been remiss about updating this blog and it's making Joe sad. He said this blog is something he wants to be able to look back through and read in the future, so here I am trying to be better and giving an update :o)

Charlie is constantly asking what everyone is doing right now, as in "Mommy doing?, Daddy doing?" He wants us to explain everything to him from the simplest to the most abstract, he truly is a little sponge right now. He's doing fantastic with putting together long sentences and he's enjoying singing songs more since now he is really remembering all the lyrics that go along.

He is even more independent wanting to do everything himself and prove what a big boy he is in all that he does.

On the baby front, there are no news except I have an appointment with a fertility specialist in a couple weeks and will hopefully get to the root of why my body is not cooperating right. I hope we will have a plan soon.

Around the house, we are having a patio and mini-deck put in which will be wonderful to use come the spring. Up until recently we had a door in the mudroom that didn't open to anything ala the Winchester House! Joe and I are also talking about the kitchen more, I'm really hoping we can get started on that project soon but I don't want to push him.

We are getting chickens, as in live, day-old baby chicks, this week. I'm looking forward to this new little adventure and I'm sure that Charlie is going to be enthralled because he loves animals so deeply. By the spring the little ladies will be ready to lay eggs (one a day) and I even researched and bought two girls that will lay blue or green eggs.

Finally, I have decided on a project for myself this year. I am going to try to write a novel. I used to write the summers away when I was a kid, lost in my own little made-up world. I love to read so much and lately I've been devouring several books a week. Then the thought just came to me, why not give it a try again and see where it takes you. So we will see...

The start of 'school'

I apologize for my absence in blogging (not there are many that read this blog these days) I have found it hard to come here and write about what is going on in my heart because I am trying to drag myself out of that 'woe is me' attitude. Each day I keep finding out about more and more friends that are pregnant and though I am so happy; blissful even for them, there is a small part of me that is feeling empty and sad just for myself.

I was hopeful that this month was going to work out and now it is definitely not looking good. So we are going to move onto the next step, seeing a specialist. By my research it's been about 5 months since I last ovulated.

On to a happier subject: My sweet big boy had his first day of nursery school at a local nature center here not 5 minutes from our house. He loved it, he got to pet a turtle last week and this week, a white dove named Paloma. Charlie adores all animals so this is quite the special treat for my bean. Charlie also started bible study again with me (he is in a seperate baby bible school) and he did amazingly.

He hasn't cried once at either school, he was a touch clingy on the first day, but he just amazes me. We've come so far since last year where every bible study I would pray fervently for him to enjoy himself and he would end up wailing for 2 hours.

Charlie's personlaity has just exploded in the past few months, his vocabulary and ability to speak in sentences and share his thoughts astounds me. His favorite thing to ask is "doing?" As in 'What are you doing there Mama?' We are still in love with diggers and trucks. He still has that gentle spirit and today I even noticed him cleaning up after himself totally unprompted when he was going to bring out more toys. He is my sunshine.

Vacation in RI, CT & NY

Round Two...

Port Jefferson Harbor August 2010

We just got back from a little family vacation which was wonderful and flew by all to quickly. Luckily I was able to capture some great shots so we can preserve those beautiful memories.

Unfortunately, my reproductive woes are continuing. I went in for bloodwork after the first round of meds and my doc called me while on vacation to tell me that I didn't even ovulate at all this cycle. What is going on with my body?

So she is doubling my dosage of the meds and hoping that will kick start my body to work the way it should. I had a peace pass over me after a beautiful bible study this week. A peace that reminded me that God has his own perfect plan that is better than anything I could ever envision. I'm holidng onto that and hopeful that maybe this is our month. We'll see...

The empty room

There is another 'presence' in our house. It isn't just Joe, Charlie, Owen and I anymore.

We have an extra bedroom that has acted as a sort of staging area/storage room since we moved in last summer.

The room is large, larger than our master bedroom actually and because of it's identity crisis I have not spent much quality time in that room 'getting to know it better' if you would. I have a belief that when you move into a house you should take a little time to get to know one another before making major changes or tearing down walls.

Several weeks ago in an attempt to simplify and declutter I had a tag sale. Now that room is practically empty with the exception of a couple dusty boxes of books and a few pieces of my corporate work wardrobe.

Joe and I decided to that in spite of our fear of having another baby with reflux/colic and possible sleep, eating and anxiety issues, our desire to have another child is much deeper. We want Charlie to have a sister or brother to grow up with. The halls of this house should be filled with more sounds of laughter and love. Honestly it feels a little lonely in here right now.

We have been trying to get pregnant for several months without luck. Recently I went to the doctor about a problem with my cycles and am now on a corrective medication which will hopefully help us.

In the mean time I feel as if that room is quietly waiting, almost holding it's breath in anticipation of what might be. Each time I pass it and see the way the sun is playing on the bare wood floors I wonder how long it will be before I will spend time kneeling on them with a little one beside me.

I dream about how that room will look, but even in my mind's eye the pictures are a little fuzzy. I can picture a little reading nook with a bench beside one of the windows but I can't envision much else. Maybe it's because I have so many fears and hopes wrapped up in those walls that nothing else can fit in there right now.

I pray that my dream is in line with God's plan and that we can find purpose for that quiet room soon.