Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The empty room

There is another 'presence' in our house. It isn't just Joe, Charlie, Owen and I anymore.

We have an extra bedroom that has acted as a sort of staging area/storage room since we moved in last summer.

The room is large, larger than our master bedroom actually and because of it's identity crisis I have not spent much quality time in that room 'getting to know it better' if you would. I have a belief that when you move into a house you should take a little time to get to know one another before making major changes or tearing down walls.

Several weeks ago in an attempt to simplify and declutter I had a tag sale. Now that room is practically empty with the exception of a couple dusty boxes of books and a few pieces of my corporate work wardrobe.

Joe and I decided to that in spite of our fear of having another baby with reflux/colic and possible sleep, eating and anxiety issues, our desire to have another child is much deeper. We want Charlie to have a sister or brother to grow up with. The halls of this house should be filled with more sounds of laughter and love. Honestly it feels a little lonely in here right now.

We have been trying to get pregnant for several months without luck. Recently I went to the doctor about a problem with my cycles and am now on a corrective medication which will hopefully help us.

In the mean time I feel as if that room is quietly waiting, almost holding it's breath in anticipation of what might be. Each time I pass it and see the way the sun is playing on the bare wood floors I wonder how long it will be before I will spend time kneeling on them with a little one beside me.

I dream about how that room will look, but even in my mind's eye the pictures are a little fuzzy. I can picture a little reading nook with a bench beside one of the windows but I can't envision much else. Maybe it's because I have so many fears and hopes wrapped up in those walls that nothing else can fit in there right now.

I pray that my dream is in line with God's plan and that we can find purpose for that quiet room soon.

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