Saturday, February 19, 2011


Last week I took my IVF class that taught me how to mix my meds for 'cocktail injections,' and other basic information about the IVF cycle.  After the class I had to have an ultrasound to make sure my uterus didn't have an fibroids or polyps so that we could move forward.  All went well with the exception of my doc finally confirming that I am in the beginning stages of endometriosis.  It explains all the pain I have had so at least I was able to make sense of that.

Thursday I went in for what is called a supression check.  The doctors are looking to make sure that you have no follicles (eggs) that are maturing and your hormone levels are in the right range to start a cycle.  I received a call in the afternoon that my bloodwork was a bit off so they wanted me to come in and retest in the morning.

Yesterday I went in and my doctor was not looking optimistic after seeing a follicle on my ultrasound and reviewing my bloodwork.  He said my estrogen levels had to go down into order to proceed, if they did not we would have to cancel the cycle before it even started.  He didn't want to talk about next steps with me until he saw the bloodwork results and he was very clear that he only wanted the optimal conditions to start.

I walked out thinking we were going to have to rule out this whole month.  I cried to myself on the ride home to Joe and Charlie because this process has been wrought with so many disappointments and obstacles that I just assumed it wasn't going to work out.  I cried some more on my husband's chest and Charlie was right there hugging me saying "Mommy you're all better now," after he kissed me. 

I was blessed to be able to get out of the house and spend some time with a beautiful friend of mine and just forget about it all for a little while.  But as soon as I got home and put Charlie down for a nap it hit me like a wall again.

I knew my doctor would call in the afternoon to discuss the results so it was just a matter of time.  So in my moment of quiet I went into our bedroom and knelt on the floor and prayed.  I thanked God for the countless blessings he showers over me each day.  And then I just confessed to him that this is so difficult, I just broke down crying.  Just as I was crying to him my phone rang.  It was my nurse and she said she had good news, my hormone levels are back in the right range and we can proceed.  We are still on schedule. 

I hung up the phone and nearly collapsed on the floor.  God is so gracious and faithful that I just don't even feel worthy of it at times.  It is so humbling to cry to him with a heavy heart and for God to literally reach out and answer immediately.  The fact that he cares enough for me in my situation is incredible.  

I cried for probably a bit too long and reached out to my friend to let her know what happened.  I felt the need to share with her (and my family) the proof of his intimate presence in my life.  And she told me that she had been praying right at time time when my nurse called and just said ,"Lord just give her a good call," and then she felt peace after praying. 

It's so comforting to know that though I am going through a time of uncertainty God is walking right beside and loves me so deeply he will carry me if I can't walk myself. To Him be all glory, honor and praise.


Danse said...

Thinking of you.

sandy02 said...

I hope this is it for you!


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