Monday, February 28, 2011

In need of a turnaround

This morning I went in for monotoring with my doctor to see how I was progressing.  Unfortunately despite being on the highest dosage of meds I did not have a good response.  Only 5 follicles (2 of which are close to mature) in one ovary and nothing from the other.

I sit here waiting to hear back from my doctor just feeling so weary.  I have had a headache since Friday because of the hormones I am injecting twice a day.  I just don't understand why. Why I can't even go to the doctor without worrying whats going wrong now, why this has to be just so hard, what am I supposed to be learning from this?

Joe said to me this morning as I cried quietly, 'maybe God just doesn't want us to have any more children.'  He told me that he wants a six month break if this does not work out.  I understand where he is coming from and why he is saying what he is but I still just don't understand God's hand in all of this.

I feel like I am up to my neck and floundering in the water.  Joe is sick, he is having another Lyme relapse, he is moody and sad and dizzy.  Charlie is back to waking in the middle of the night and is going through this difficult whining/testing boundaries phase. Joe's Mom who is bed ridden with severe MS is getting so sick she can't even swallow water.  And we have this infertility minefield I am trying to navigate through. 

I know God won't give us more than we can handle but I'm just praying for a break from all of this hardship, pain and sadness.  I need something to turn around for us.  I need God to work miracles in my life and Joe's.  I need him now more than ever.

Today when I prayed I tried to remember every blessing he has given me.  I guess I need to focus on that a bit more today.


My life said...

No words. Just praying for you.

Danse said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.


The Little Bean Blog | Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial License | Dandy Dandilion Designed by Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates