Saturday, June 28, 2008

A rough week...

This past week has been a difficult one for the following reasons:

-My baby has been in pain. Charlie had a really tough week. He was crying all day long, not eating well and not sleeping well either- poor little guy. We were able to determine that he has reflux. My pediatrician put us on an emergency list to see a gastroenterologist ASAP. We had to switch Charlie's formula yet again.

Now we are on Neocate, which costs about $37 per can of powder for about a three day supply. My craptastic insurance will not cover the cost of this prescription formula, nor will it cover Charlie's prevacid to help with his reflux. It will take two weeks for the meds and formula to give Charlie relief, I just wish I could make it all better now.

-I've been mourning the 'loss' of breastfeeding and drying up has made it all so final. I went to a New Mom group organized by my doctor's office and, though the women were lovely, all they talked about was breastfeeding. Not to mention, nearly all of them fed their baby during the session. Just watching them hurt my heart. I couldn't even speak about my story.

One of the women pulled me aside and asked how breastfeeding was going for me and I told her I had to wean. She said she envied me, mentioned how much pressure and guilt there is if you choose not to do it. I wasn't sure how to respond because I fought so hard to try and make it work...Needless to say I left the group feeling very lonely and in a woe-is-me state of mind. Thank God I have loving, supportive family and friends to help me dig out of the hole.

-I had a dermatological procedure (Fraxel laser) on Wednesday morning. Thursday I woke up, looked in the mirror and could not believe my eyes. The reaction I had to the treatment can only be described as severely adverse. I have never broken out so badly in my life. I have not wanted to be seen in public, because strangers did double takes when they saw me. And that was with loads of makeup- or what I have termed spackel- on my face. I understand why people with acne can tend to be shy or introverted, I haven't wanted to leave the house.

Despite all of this I am trying to find joy in the fact that, though my baby isn't feeling well, he is overall healthy. In those moments he is feeling good, he laughs and smiles and that warms my heart a thousand times over.

2 months old

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