Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bible Study

I started attending a bible study late last spring with Charlie. I want Charlie to have a deep and strong faith and a relationship with God; for me it's really important to learn more about the bible so I can share it with him.

The study group I attend has an opening speaker, where everyone attends together and then we break up into smaller study groups going over the lesson for the week. Once we complete the study groups we reconvene for a closing lecture. The whole weekly session is about two hours.

I can't tell you how hard it has been this fall to drop Charlie off in the baby group and have him crying and upset while I am away. The women that take care of him are so incredibly loving so that does ease my nerves. We have been trying some different techniques at having me separate, but each week is different from the last and he always cries (sometimes more than others). Today he cried when I pulled into the church driveway. If I didn't feel to the depths of my heart how vitally important it is for me to be there learning and hearing God's word then I would turn around and run as fast as I could in the other direction.

Some days I can hear Charlie crying when I am in my study group and I honestly can't focus. My stomach physically hurts every Thursday morning as we get ready. And every morning on our little five minute drive in the country I pray.

I ask God to give my sweet boy peace and comfort and to wrap his arms around him. I tried to tell Charlie today on our way over that even when Mommy can't be there, God is there; that he is never, ever alone. I know he is too young to understand the depth of those words but I hope the message will make its way to his heart in the years to come.

I am starting to feel changed by this group. As each week passes I feel as though I am being nourished by God, his word and these other women who so humbly and sincerely profess their faith. There are many women in the group that genuinely seem as if a light shines from within them. I find myself thinking, "I want that; want to be more like that!" I can only pray that God is guiding me on a path to be a little 'light' for others at some point.

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