Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Several months back I mentioned an issue Charlie was having with his eyes, a condition called exotropia, where one eye drifts outward. Well I had noticed his eyes were doing it more recently. The problem only manifests when he is lethargic or just waking up.

When I first noticed the problem he was able to 'reset,' as I called it, almost instantaneously. Recently I've noticed it has taken him longer for his eyes to become symmetrical when he is waking up. Yesterday we went back to the specialist so she could have a look at him again and she was able to catch his subtle drift with one of her eye tests.

My job is to monitor it for the next 4 months, see if it worsens, or see if one eye is worse than the other. I wish there was something I could do now, some sort of action other than observing him.

Should his eyes worsen, there is a spectrum of different solutions from wearing a patch to surgery to strengthen the eye muscles-- but all of it makes my stomach hurt to be honest.

Beyond the eye issues, today I am not feeling like a great Mommy. When I was at my sister Danielle's last night she noted that Charlie wasn't holding his own bottles (I was feeding him his bedtime bottle at the time) and how her children all were holding their bottles by this point. She wasn't being judgemental in any way, shape or form- just making an observation.

But out creeps that little monster I try to keep hidden- self doubt. I tried to given Charlie his formula in a sippy cup this morning and he just wouldn't have it, he freaked and wanted it the way he always has it. I will have to keep trying, but first I have to shake this shadow hanging over me. Lord do I wish there was a handbook that came attached to the bean, because sometimes I feel so completely lost.


Danse said...

(hugs) - you're a great Mommy, try not to beat yourself up too much.

Amanda said...

Kelly, you are a fabulous mom! Kids develop do differently. My mom actually told me the other day that her neighbor's daughter -- who is over a year old -- isn't even sitting up, crawling or rolling over. Just lays there! But, her first daughter did the same thing and now at three, she's perfectly in line with other kids. Bottle holding is for sissies anyway...why hold it when someone else can hold it for you?! :)

DANIELLE said...

Kelly, I never meant to make you worry.I knew you knew that by what you wrote.I was only making a observation ,an going on what i experienced with my own children.You are a terrific mother, and I'am very proud of you.You shouldnt doubt yourself .Your bond with Charlie says it all.Love you, Danielle

Megan said...

You're a great mom Kelly! Don't worry yourself!

FWIW, my niece NEVER held her own bottle. She would feed herself, drink from a sippy herself, even when the only bottle she got was at bedtime - she never held it. Some kids just don't *want* to!

LoriLu said...

Kelly you are a great mother!! I thought Micah was the same way, the only reason I knew he could hold his own bottle was because someone else told me he could. I tried it and *puff* he could do it! (that was a week ago, he is 9 months already) so never doubt yourself, they all develop differently!!

Brooke said...

Oh Kelly, don't feel down! I know the feeling you have, though, because I get the same one when S won't take his bottle. He fights that thing like the devil. He'll do the sippy cup when he's ready. And I wouldn't want to hold my own bottle either. I mean, that would just mean I had to do even more things on my own and why would he want to do that? ((hugs)) Don't stress babe.

Brooke said...

Oh, and I hope his eyes strengthen on their own soon! He has such gorgeous eyes.

Kelly said...

Thanks so much for the encouragement and support everyone. It helps more than you know.

And Danielle I welcome any advice/commentary from you because you've been through it all!


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