The empty room

There is another 'presence' in our house. It isn't just Joe, Charlie, Owen and I anymore.

We have an extra bedroom that has acted as a sort of staging area/storage room since we moved in last summer.

The room is large, larger than our master bedroom actually and because of it's identity crisis I have not spent much quality time in that room 'getting to know it better' if you would. I have a belief that when you move into a house you should take a little time to get to know one another before making major changes or tearing down walls.

Several weeks ago in an attempt to simplify and declutter I had a tag sale. Now that room is practically empty with the exception of a couple dusty boxes of books and a few pieces of my corporate work wardrobe.

Joe and I decided to that in spite of our fear of having another baby with reflux/colic and possible sleep, eating and anxiety issues, our desire to have another child is much deeper. We want Charlie to have a sister or brother to grow up with. The halls of this house should be filled with more sounds of laughter and love. Honestly it feels a little lonely in here right now.

We have been trying to get pregnant for several months without luck. Recently I went to the doctor about a problem with my cycles and am now on a corrective medication which will hopefully help us.

In the mean time I feel as if that room is quietly waiting, almost holding it's breath in anticipation of what might be. Each time I pass it and see the way the sun is playing on the bare wood floors I wonder how long it will be before I will spend time kneeling on them with a little one beside me.

I dream about how that room will look, but even in my mind's eye the pictures are a little fuzzy. I can picture a little reading nook with a bench beside one of the windows but I can't envision much else. Maybe it's because I have so many fears and hopes wrapped up in those walls that nothing else can fit in there right now.

I pray that my dream is in line with God's plan and that we can find purpose for that quiet room soon.

Thanks for sticking with me!

It's been a tough month with the loss of Marshall and Joe battling another illness but we are looking up.
Sorry for the silence, I needed some time to reflect and heal.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words!

Radio Silence

A week and a half ago I got a call, one of those calls that shakes your world and in not a good way. Our cousin and beloved friend Marshall was taken to the hospital by ambulance on Friday, July 23rd and there were barely any details of what had happened.

Later that day we found out that Marshall had a massive stroke, one that he would not recover from. He had serious bleeding in his brain and it was inoperable. The family was told he would probably die within a day.

The next day was my sister in-law's bridal shower. As I was busy cutting up roses and putting them into vases for table arrangements Joe called again. This time it was to tell me that Marshall was gone.

It was so incredibly difficult to say goodbye. Marshall was an incredible man, he loved life, loved to laugh and joke and he loved his family deeply.

It came as such a shock when Joe and I had just had Marshall over for dinner on Wednesday night. His request was spaghetti and meatballs. He brought us his favorite bread and we had one of the nicest times together we've ever had talking and laughing about our lives.

Marshall had a very difficult life. One of his first two children (twins) was born stillborn and the other was severely disabled. Then his wife died of breast cancer when their other children were still very young. Despite his past and what he had been through, Marshall found joy in every day.

Marsh practically lived at our new-old house for the first year we lived here. He was an expert plumber and helped us in so many ways. He single-handedly completed the massive amount of work in our double bathroom renovation upstairs. It was so wonderful to have him around as much as he was because he loved Charlie so much. He was a comfort to me. My heart aches now that he is gone, but a beautiful miraculous thing happened to me the Friday night that Marsh was in the hospital. He was on a respirator at this point, holding on until one of his daughters flew in from California to see him.

It was a restless, nearly sleepless night for me. Charlie had already woken up once and I laid in bed thinking about Marshall and praying for him. Then Charlie woke again, around a quarter of 3 o'clock. Instead of trying to get him to settle in his bed I just scooped him up and brought him into our bedroom. He fell back asleep almost instantly, but I continued to lay there thinking about Marsh.

Then at 3:19 am, as I had my head tilted towards Charlie I felt a hand gently laid on my head. The pressure was so light, but it pressed my hair closer to my skin and it was very obvious I was being touched. I turned to look and saw nothing, no one was there, but I just knew in my heart it was Marshall. I even said out loud as it happened, "Someone just touched me on my head." I turned my head to look to Charlie and there he was in his sleep slapping his hands over his head as if someone were touching him. Marsh used to rustle Charlie's hair sometimes when he came to see us. I just knew it was him.

Then I found out from my sister in-law that Marsh had made a visit to her house around 3am that night too. She heard footsteps and like someone had stomped in front of her bedroom door. Her dogs were staring at the hallway as if there was someone there.

Honestly, I feel so blessed and comforted by Marshall's 'visit' because his death was so sudden. I know I will see him again someday and God was compassionate enough to allow us that last goodbye until we meet in heaven.

I'm going to follow up this post with another post about Marshall, things I want to remember always about him so I can share them with Charlie and let him know how much he was loved by Marsh. I know we have another guardian angel watching over our family now.

Mini Getaway

Yesterday afternoon Joe and I embarked on a new adventure, our first little vacation without Charlie. We dropped the bean off at a very close friend's house and instead of a tearful goodbye he giggled and blew us kisses. I did notice he was crooking his neck to see our car go out of sight as much as I was craning mine. I felt like I had left my heart at my dear friend's doorstep, but I knew he was in the most loving hands and had his best friend to play with so he would be ok.

Joe and I stayed at the Saybrook Point Inn and Spa in Old Saybrook, CT. It was so beautiful, our room was gorgeous, the staff so was kind and polite and the view of the water was amazing. After we checked in and explored our room a little we walked the grounds and marina. We had dinner at the restaurant in the hotel, Terra Mar and it was fabulous.

Joe had this yummy 'taste of summer' appetizer with grilled corn and safron and lobster fritters and I had a delish salad with pears, the creamiest dolce gorgonzola, sliced almonds and bibb lettuce. Then Joe had a cioppino seafood soup over angel hair and it had the most wonderful white wine in it. I had swordfish with creamy polenta and roasted eggplant and other veggies. The restaurnt gave us a free little bite of scallop tartar that had citrusf fruits diced in and it was refresing and yummy. We were so stuffed we couldn't do dessert but they brought out these crisp, buttery cranberry biscotti, makes me want to make a batch now!

After dinner we drove to Essex, a sweet little town that Joe and I visited by boat 3 years ago. They had a beautiful historic downtown filled with antique shops. We grabbed an ice cream and I nervously waited to find out how Charlie fared at bedtime. He didn't even cry which totally blew me away considering he cries at home for me!

After our ice cream and some time for my nerves to cool off (lol) we discovered this gorgeous beach on the way back to the hotel. The sand was so soft and the view was just amazing. Joe and I actually held hands and cuddled looking up at the crescent moon.

This morning we grabbed breakfast at the same restaurant (fabulous again). Then we cleaned up and checked out of the hotel went back to Essex to do some shopping and then we grabbed lunch at the Griswold Inn , which has been around since the Declaration of Independence.

After lunch we did some antiquing and I found a little treasure in one of the stores. I had to convince Joe of it at first but we haggled a little over the price of a beautiful original oil painting and nabbed it for $135! Back home (and honestly in most of the other antique stores we've ever been in CT) this beauty would have fetched at least $500. I would have admired it and gone home empty-handed. But not today, it was our lucky day!

Here 'she' is hanging at the top of our stairs:

A close up. Can I tell you the frame alone would have cost $200 in this area!

This is her neighbor (a painting I bought for Joe a looooong time ago):

Oh and here are the presents we found for the bean while in Essex :o)

It was a wonderful trip, so lovely to be able to spend some time alone with Joe, but I missed Charlie every second of it too! I couldn't wait to get back to snuggle with him.

26 months

My dear boy,

It's been far too long since I've thrown an update on all your milestones and new activities so here goes...

At 2 yrs and 2 months you can:
-Say your last name and the town we live in
-Count to 20 somewhat consistently
-You lace your fingers together to pray twice a day (at dinner-time and bed-time)
-Eat chicken soup on your own very well (this may not seem big but for a child who basically refuses to eat veggies 99.9% of the time, Mommy considers this a huge victory)
-Walk down stairs with little help from Mommy (I basically hold out a limp hand)
-Ask to go on the Elmo potty and have consistently gone poop and peepee on a nightly basis. I am doing this solely on your interest level, really didn't want to start the training so early, but we are taking a no-stress approach to this right now.
-Use sentences for everything. "Need more smoothie please" :o) "Where's crabby- there he is!"
-You parrot back what I say as well as what others say. When we were stuck outside Trader Joe's a week ago b/c of a fast summer shower a lady beside us said "Oh Geeze" and you promptly parrotted that back to her.
-You love apples and samples when we are food shopping (Traders and Costco are our favs)
-You mimic your friends and then crack yourself up doing it.
-You love playing in the bath with your crabby, and dumping water over your head.
-You love reading and pretend to read to yourself, it is so sweet.
-You love to sing itsy bitsy spider, ABC's, and the wheels on the bus but you love all music.
-You know some of your colors but some days everything is blue, lol
-You want to sit in your big boy booster seat for every meal now, so we eat together at the kitchen table and it's so wonderful to look across at my sweet boy :o)

I still miss you when you are asleep my dear boy, but I doubt that will ever change.

All my love,
Mama

What we've been up to lately...

Some fun at the farm...

More fun on the boat...

Fireworks for the Fourth!

wow!

And then I had to throw this one in.. Today I stepped away from the kitchen table to clean something in the sink. I hear Charlie singing to himself and then counting. And this is what he did with his lunch. A birthday cake ala Charlie :o)

Happy Fourth everyone!

Weekend Shots

Father's Day Dinner:
Grilled Citrus Marinated Tilapia with Mango Salsa
Couscous and Corn on the Cob
Double Berry Shortcakes with Whipped Cream

Near Completion

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to take perfect house shots of our 99.9% nearly completed bathrooms, because I have a sweet super-active toddler and wonderful husband and I would rather spend time with them in place of constantly cleaning and de-cluttering. So here's the closest I can get!

Charlie's Bath:

Master:

I have two rugs but Charlie peed all over the the other one last night at bath time LOL. Oh and we just got our towel bar that needs to go up below the window, Joe will do that tonight. I haven't been able to bring accessories in and add some more personality but you can get an idea of where it will be at some point in the distant future.

A painting my Mom completed that I just had framed.

And, because I can't resist, a shot of the bean in our bedroom
pretending to read after a shower with Daddy.

Have a great Father's Day Weekend!

Summertime :o)

The Great Outdoors

We have had some beautiful weather since the weekend so Charlie and I have been trying to make the most of the sunshine. Yesterday we had a play date at the beach with friends- so much fun watching they boys together splashing in the water and digging in the sand.

Today we went to a friend's pool in the morning and then before dinner the bean and I played in our yard. The thermometer on my car said 99 and it felt like it- you can tell by Charlie's cheeks!

Daddy is my hero

Joe took a day off from the office to work in our yard.
As soon as Charlie saw Joe wearing this 'hat' as he called it he wanted to wear it all day and be like Daddy.
The most adorable part- everytime Charlie saw his Joe walk by he clapped his hands like he was a rockstar.
I think Joe felt like one too :o)

A beautiful Mother's Day

Charlie and I have had a rough several weeks with a new stage he is in (separation anxiety, defiance and fear seem to be the major overtones of this phase) so it was such a blessing to have a lovely day with my boys and family today.

I have been feeling very run down the last four days or so because of all the stress and either a sinus infection or allergies have been getting the best of me.

Joe and Charlie pampered me with breakfast in bed, scrambled eggs bacon and toast with apple juice. It was so special and we all shared the yummy feast in our bedroom. After cards and Joe telling me I could choose from a spa treatment or gym membership as my gift (thank you sweetheart for being so generous) I gave both boys haircuts. Charlie was not a fan of his makeover this time around and no amount of singing or Milano cookies could coax him into believing otherwise. So he really got a touch up :o)

We made it to the late church service. During the sermon I've been somewhat successful lately in giving Charlie a lollipop to keep him quiet. Not something I normally allow but it's a super special treat just so we don't disturb others until I can reason with my toddler a bit better- please don't judge! Well Charlie apparently adores cherry lollipops more than any other flavor because he was lip-smacking so loud that several people were cracking up laughing from his antics. So much for trying to be inconspicuous!

After church Joe and the bean hung out for an hour while I packed bags and got directions to the restaurant we were going to with my family. Lunch/dinner was absolutely delish, waaaay too much food as is always the case with my family. I had this delicious lobster and corn ravioli in a truffle cream sauce. And that was after calamari, antipasto, mini meatballs, and a shrimp veggie appetizer. Then they rolled out was seemed like seven or more desserts (peanut butter cake with some crunchy divine brittle, chocolate gooey cakes, mini ice cream cones, and sinful donuts with some sort of vanilla bean custard sauce to dip in.

The donuts were made famous at the Michael Jackson funeral and Joe tried convincing everyone at the table about this, but everyone laughed it off because Joe is a jokester. When the waitress confirmed that little trivia my whole family cracked up.

My niece Alexa made this hilarious comment when all the desserts were coming out. She said "they're trying to make us all fat!"

After that enormous lunch Joe and I said goodbye to my family and went over to see Joe's parents for a few hours. And now I'm home tired but happy and full (still hours later) and listening to my drying running as Charlie sleeps upstairs.

Here's a few shots from our day:

2nd Birthday Party

Last weekend we had Charlie's 2nd Birthday party. It was the most beautiful, fun day.
My mom, sisters and their families, Uncle Frank and Billy and Joe's sister and her fiance were all in attendance. We had 80 degree sunny weather (this seems to be starting a pattern since Carlie's first birthday party was exactly the same weather-wise).

I am so blessed that I have an understanding husband that realized that his wife literally wilts in the heat and determined that central air would be a good thing to have for our family. The house was cool and comfy all day despite my oven working overtime.

Joe took Charlie in the morning to his soccer class and then picked up the cake and balloons I had ordered earlier. That gave me a few final hours of prep time which was so helpful. Our menu for the day was BBQ themed:

Appetizers (many from trader joes)
Coconut shrimp with a spicy apricot dipping sauce
Egg rolls with sweet & sour sauce
Feta and carmelized onion pastry bites
Blue crab dip and crackers
Artichoke dip
Chips & Dip

Main Course (Joe was a great grill master!)
Garlic herb butter stuffed hamburgers
Pulled pork and slaw sandwiches
Hot dogs
Chicken skewers with sweet Jack Daniel's grill glaze
Potato Salad
Pasta Salad
Corn on the cob (that no one ended up eating lol)
Onion rings

Dessert
Birthday cake (from NY Bakery chocolate and decadent)
Oreo truffles
Brownies
Chocolate chip cookies
and my Mom made two types of biscotti!

Next year I will edit my menu down because it was entirely too much food but everyone really seemed to enjoy everything. Oh and those hamburgers took forever to make, as in hours! Don't think I will be undertaking that again, unless on a small scale.

I had originally planned an activity for the kids to go with the construction/dirt theme (they were going to make seed bombs with dirt, fertilizer and flower seeds) but I'm glad I took a more laid back approach. The kids played in the bounce house we borrowed from a friend and played a bunch of baseball games in the front yard too.

I tried to be super organized about the food and it paid off because I was able to enjoy the party and see Charlie enjoy playing with his cousins. My sweet niece Ariana also played photographer for the day and helped snap some awesome shots.

Charlie was showered with amazing gifts from his family and he is loving every single one of them more than a week later. My family was so generous it was overwhelming :o)

We worked on thank you cards this week and Charlie drew pictures in each of the cards. It was so sweet watching him do it. He scribbled on his Mimas card and the scribble actually came out looking like a boat and he said "a boat!" and was amazed that he had done it. Then he drew an "A." My little boy is really growing fast.

Here's a few shots from our special day:

Before and After -Entryway Paint Update

Joe and I had been painting the bathrooms and bedroom off and on for weeks now and with all the other business in our life we just could not complete the projects. We decided to hire a painter to finish because we just want to be done with this.

I will post pictures of Charlie's bathroom when the toilet is put back in place, but I wanted to show a few shots of the entry. The hall and stairs desperately needed a new paint job despite us only living in the house for 10 months. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose white but it's a lesson learned.

We decided to give Farrow and Ball paint a try, because #1: we have heard many ravs about the colors, coverage and finish of the paint and #2 there is only 130 colors to choose from and I am absolutely awful when it comes to picking out paint colors. I get overloaded on the tiniest nuances/color variations/undertones etc. We opted for a more substantial color, Stony Ground, since we tend to always go too light. It was a bit of a shock to me when I first saw it going on the wall but it is a lovely color and eventually, when the kitchen is redone we will have a nice tall wainscot put up and painted in a creamy white, so it won't be floor to ceiling brown.

Having now tried the paint I can say the finish is no better than Benjamin Moore/Calfornia. We opted for the Modern emulsion which is a slightly matte finish. Perhaps the dead flat finish is much more incredible but we can't explore that world until all the little ones are well grown in our family. I will say there was zero odor, which was lovely considering I hosted a book club last night, you would have never known that a painter was working all day. What do you think of the color?

Before:

After:

Before:

After: