The Little Bean Blog

3 years old

2011-04-28T21:24:00.000-04:00

Still pretty sick over here but celebrated Charlie's big day today and can't believe what a big boy he is becoming. I'm such a lucky Mama. Will write more when I am feeling well, which will hopefully be soon.

Greener than Kermit

2011-04-11T09:13:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted since our announcement because I have been so nauseous I have been barely functioning. Having to take care of Charlie while this sick has been really hard. I am on Zofran, B6, tried sea bands, ginger candy, saltines, etc and it is still horrible and 24/7- at times waking me in the middle of the night. I am really hoping this phase will pass quickly because the days feel like weeks and my only escape is sleep.

Thank God Joe has picked up the slack in every department. He has been helping with cleaning, laundry and cooking (breakfast for dinner)or picking up food. The house is definitely not up to Mommy's level of expectation, but it will have to do for now and I'm just thankful I have a husband that will help in every way he can. And my definition of a clean house borders on the slightly OCD.

We have a lot of social activities coming up in the next few weeks from hosting a shower to Easter and some stuff during the week as well. I am just hoping I can keep it together!

Drumroll please...

2011-03-30T07:01:00.001-04:00

We are having twins! I had my first ultrasound last night. Joe left work early to join me. Something in the back of my head told me that this extreme nausea I've been having, so strong that it wakes me at night, had some cause. Joe had a feeling as well.

My doc who normally puts the ultrasound screen directly in view for me to see turned it towards himself for a minute to get a clear view. Joe could still see from his vantage point and he told me after the fact that he saw two black spots of the screen an instant before the doctor said, "Congratulations, it's twins!"

Wow. Wow. Wow. We are still in a state of shock and awe right now. Both babies already have beating hearts and one measured slightly smaller than the other. My doctor said not to immediately plan for twins because we could possibly lose one before the first trimester is over but he was very optimistic.

He also said to us that he didn't even really know if we were going to be good candidates for IVF moving forward because of all the obstacles we had and the way my body didn't respond well. That just confirms to me that this was all in God's hands.

Well, I am off to try and soak all this information in and try to find some bland bread to soothe my tummy!

We are due the day before Thanksgiving (how fitting) but will probably go earlier because there are two. Holy moly!

Betas

2011-03-18T14:35:00.005-04:00

Today I received the news from my second beta blood test. We went from 365 to 698 which the nurse was very happy about! I have officially graduated from morning monitoring and blood work until my first ultrasound at 5 1/2 weeks on the March 29th. That's when we will find out if there are one or two beans growing.

I have to include a shot of the bean since it's been so long.

Pregnant!

2011-03-17T07:50:00.000-04:00

I caved last night and took a test and it immediately came up positive! I can't believe it.

I had my initial blood work today and my beta was 365, a very good number according to my nurse. So I will continue to go in for blood work to make sure my numbers keep doubling and in about 2 weeks I will have my first ultrasound to see if there is one or two babies in there.

Tonight I am praising God for answered prayers!

Sun shining down

2011-03-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a big day, our embryo transfer. In the morning I kept waiting for a call that we wouldn't be able to proceed; that our embryos hadn't made it. There were so many times this cycle when I received bad calls, I was just preparing myself for it. We were nearly cancelled 3 times in 2 weeks.

No news meant good news. We rushed around in the morning food shopping, organizing things for when my Mom would take Charlie and getting all my pre-procedure prep ready.

I had laser acupuncture before the transfer (it is supposed to help increase the odds of implantation) and then was walked up to the operating room area. By this point my bladder uncomfortably full, the doctors need it to be so they can visualize the uterus for the transfer.

The doctor came in and he said he had great news. We had 3 great embryos, one that was a grade AA, AB and BB. AA is the highest quality and healthiest type of embryo. Joe and I couldn't have been more shocked because up until this point we were told they was a chance that all embryos could be lost, there were no guarantees. To be told that you have fabulous, beautiful embryos was so incredible.

The procedure itself was a little uncomfortable but it was over very quickly. We transferred the 2 best and will freeze the additional one. The technology is so advanced that we were able to see our embryos loaded up from the petri dish into a pipette and watch the transfer on the ultrasound. It's amazing.

And now we just sit and wait. I will have my pregnancy test next Wednesday.

I have to give thanks to God because he has literally carried me through this process, I wouldn't have made it through whole without him.

I firmly believe that our embryos did so beautifully because of the prayers that were sent up to God on my behalf. Prayer is so powerful and it is what turned everything around for us. I had so many beautiful friends and family praying for me and for those little lives growing in the lab.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Egg Retrieval Surgery

2011-03-02T17:22:00.000-05:00

They were able to retrieve 8 eggs. The valium and drugs they give are lovely because when I woke up I felt as though I had slept for 12 hours, ha. I'm a little crampy still and a bit out of it but no worse for the wear.

Now only time will tell whether any of those eggs grow into healthy embryos. I need to just let go at this point. No amount of worrying is going to change the outcome It's all in God's hands.

Rain on a clear day

2011-03-01T15:11:00.002-05:00

I just received another call from my doctor. My estrogen levels are dropping instead of rising, for the second time in two days my doctor offered me the chance to cancel the cycle. He said IVF is still our best chance. He said he would pray for me. We are still moving forward; it will take a miracle.

There is only one that can accomplish that if it's his plan. After a good sob session I'm at peace (for the moment); it's all up to him. He can move mountains if he chooses to. He knows the pain and emptiness inside of me. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows.

In spite of all of this I will try to find the positives. Joe and I were very concerned about the possibility of extra embryos and it weighed on us how we proceed with our beliefs. A small quiet voice inside of me whispered, well he has taken that burden from you, there's no decision to make.

Today in the midst of all my tears I heard that quiet voice again. Maybe, just maybe he is going to make a miracle happen. What a dramatic testimony I would have if after all these obstacles, after all the heartache, pain and just difficulty at every turn- that all our sorrows and suffering would be transformed into a miraculous beautiful life.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

In need of a turnaround

2011-02-28T14:30:00.000-05:00

This morning I went in for monotoring with my doctor to see how I was progressing. Unfortunately despite being on the highest dosage of meds I did not have a good response. Only 5 follicles (2 of which are close to mature) in one ovary and nothing from the other.

I sit here waiting to hear back from my doctor just feeling so weary. I have had a headache since Friday because of the hormones I am injecting twice a day. I just don't understand why. Why I can't even go to the doctor without worrying whats going wrong now, why this has to be just so hard, what am I supposed to be learning from this?

Joe said to me this morning as I cried quietly, 'maybe God just doesn't want us to have any more children.' He told me that he wants a six month break if this does not work out. I understand where he is coming from and why he is saying what he is but I still just don't understand God's hand in all of this.

I feel like I am up to my neck and floundering in the water. Joe is sick, he is having another Lyme relapse, he is moody and sad and dizzy. Charlie is back to waking in the middle of the night and is going through this difficult whining/testing boundaries phase. Joe's Mom who is bed ridden with severe MS is getting so sick she can't even swallow water. And we have this infertility minefield I am trying to navigate through.

I know God won't give us more than we can handle but I'm just praying for a break from all of this hardship, pain and sadness. I need something to turn around for us. I need God to work miracles in my life and Joe's. I need him now more than ever.

Today when I prayed I tried to remember every blessing he has given me. I guess I need to focus on that a bit more today.

Testimony

2011-02-19T22:13:00.000-05:00

Last week I took my IVF class that taught me how to mix my meds for 'cocktail injections,' and other basic information about the IVF cycle. After the class I had to have an ultrasound to make sure my uterus didn't have an fibroids or polyps so that we could move forward. All went well with the exception of my doc finally confirming that I am in the beginning stages of endometriosis. It explains all the pain I have had so at least I was able to make sense of that.

Thursday I went in for what is called a supression check. The doctors are looking to make sure that you have no follicles (eggs) that are maturing and your hormone levels are in the right range to start a cycle. I received a call in the afternoon that my bloodwork was a bit off so they wanted me to come in and retest in the morning.

Yesterday I went in and my doctor was not looking optimistic after seeing a follicle on my ultrasound and reviewing my bloodwork. He said my estrogen levels had to go down into order to proceed, if they did not we would have to cancel the cycle before it even started. He didn't want to talk about next steps with me until he saw the bloodwork results and he was very clear that he only wanted the optimal conditions to start.

I walked out thinking we were going to have to rule out this whole month. I cried to myself on the ride home to Joe and Charlie because this process has been wrought with so many disappointments and obstacles that I just assumed it wasn't going to work out. I cried some more on my husband's chest and Charlie was right there hugging me saying "Mommy you're all better now," after he kissed me.

I was blessed to be able to get out of the house and spend some time with a beautiful friend of mine and just forget about it all for a little while. But as soon as I got home and put Charlie down for a nap it hit me like a wall again.

I knew my doctor would call in the afternoon to discuss the results so it was just a matter of time. So in my moment of quiet I went into our bedroom and knelt on the floor and prayed. I thanked God for the countless blessings he showers over me each day. And then I just confessed to him that this is so difficult, I just broke down crying. Just as I was crying to him my phone rang. It was my nurse and she said she had good news, my hormone levels are back in the right range and we can proceed. We are still on schedule.

I hung up the phone and nearly collapsed on the floor. God is so gracious and faithful that I just don't even feel worthy of it at times. It is so humbling to cry to him with a heavy heart and for God to literally reach out and answer immediately. The fact that he cares enough for me in my situation is incredible.

I cried for probably a bit too long and reached out to my friend to let her know what happened. I felt the need to share with her (and my family) the proof of his intimate presence in my life. And she told me that she had been praying right at time time when my nurse called and just said ,"Lord just give her a good call," and then she felt peace after praying.

It's so comforting to know that though I am going through a time of uncertainty God is walking right beside and loves me so deeply he will carry me if I can't walk myself. To Him be all glory, honor and praise.

Messages from above

2011-02-06T14:57:00.001-05:00

Very recently Joe and I decided to wade into unknown waters and pursue an IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle. This whole infertility process has brought out a lot of pain and sadness and has felt like it has pushed at my faith at times. But He has been there and is there every step of the way.

The other day I was finishing up my bible study I folded the book on a page where I had a highlighted one line: Suffering is a means to deeper communion with God. I know he is drawing me nearer in this process, I feel his presence.

Then in my bible group the beautiful circle of woman I study with asked if they could pray over me. I felt so blessed.

I had an incredible experience this morning. Last night a dear friend of mine called me to invite me to go to her church to hear a guest speaker. Right before she had called I had been praying and reflecting on how I hadn't felt like I had done much to be close with him yesterday. I felt God was sending me a message through my friend to go see this speaker.

Joe and Charlie and I piled up into the car this morning and sat with our friends right near the front of the church. We sang some beautiful hymns and prayers. And the the guest speaker walked up to the podium. And what did the he speak about the whole time?

He started with the story of Abraham and Sarah and how they wanted so badly to have a child but couldn't. And God came to them at the old age of 90 and 100 and told them they would have a baby. He actually talked about infertility (!) and how at times our dreams may seem like they are impossible to fulfill but that through God everything is possible.

His message was one of waiting on God's timing and having faith that God is not finished with us, not even on our last day here. I sat there in the pew crying quietly because I literally felt like God was reaching out to me through this man. My dear friend turned to me in the midst of this and whispered "there are no coincidences," and she is so right.

I feel so humbled that my Lord and savior is such a personal God that he would reach out to me in such an intimate way. So gentle, so loving, so compassionate. There are people out there suffering far greater tragedies than I and yet he cares enough to touch my life in such a profound, beautiful way.

The Master Bedroom

2011-01-25T13:44:00.002-05:00

While I'm at it I might as well, right?


To dos for this room are artwork, area rug for around the bed, pottery barn matine toile quilt and crown molding some day.

Joe finished this tag sale book case with crown and a beautiful stain.

Tag sale Ethan Allen seagrass chair

A work in progress!

Charlie's Room

2011-01-25T10:02:00.001-05:00

Here's a look at the bean's room as it is today:

To dos are to get a bible verse up on the wall above C's crib and slipcover the glider myself.

Yes the train table takes up half of the room but he loves it (as you can see)

Click here to see how it looked soon after we moved (and ripped up the mint carpet, refinished the floors and put up beadboard)- not too much has changed. I have tried to keep this room true to Charlie (hence the huge train table, books everywhere and tag sale school house that is really big but he loves it).

Leaning on Him

2011-01-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

That's what I am doing today after finding out we are not pregnant. Heartbroken.

Our insurance does not cover any of these treatments and so I researched individual insurance and discovered yet another door closed in my face today. There is not one insurance company that will cover any portion of fertility treatment for an individual.

Part of me wants to ask him, What am I doing wrong, what is broken inside of me that needs to be fixed in order to make this happen, will this ever happen, will I ever be able to hold a newborn in all of her perfection and say she is mine? Will Charlie ever be able to know the joy of having a sibling, am I unfit? Am I incapable, am I not faithful enough, what is your plan for me? Should I just let go of this desperate aching desire in my heart? Please just tell me if I need to move on.

I know he counts the tears we weep. This is what I am leaning on today.

“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:2-4,6-9

“The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken. In that day they will say, ‘Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.’” Isaiah 25:8,9

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

The first half of January

2011-01-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

We started with a similar course of treatment as last month (femara 5 mg for days 3-7 and then injected with gonal for 3 days) and I went in on day ten to have my ultrasound. My doctor said I had a great response, almost too good. He scared me a bit with the way he grappled with whether to cancel the cycle or to go ahead with our IUI plan.

What a rollercoaster to worry that since I had 5 mature follicles and 1 slightly mature that there was an increased risk of multiples. Thinking of Charlie how this could all impact him, how it would be very hard on me and on Joe as well just made me worry. But if we canceled the cycle we would lose another $2,500 and we are just bleeding money with these treatments every month.

After talking to Joe we decided to go forward (which my Dr. and nurse had also recommended). I realized that I had 4 mature follicles from my last failed cycle so that put me a little more at ease, but wow I still felt the pressure. What a mental sturggle this process is. There truly is an emotional and physical expense to be paid each month as well.

Last weekend was such a crazy and strange time. Joe and I had to go to the office for our separate parts of the IUI procedure. The procedure itself was pretty uneventful with the exception of having a doctor that was far too attractive for my comfort level, ha.

And now I sit here and wait; wait and think far too often about what could or couldn't be. Every day my mind wonders is this the month that God has chosen for us to get pregnant? Or is it not the time he has chosen? My fears have also been taking over- what if there are triplets- how would I ever be able to take care of that many children, how would Charlie feel that he is loved, what if there were twins (insert same questions and concerns).

I had my bible study this morning and the memory verse was so timely for me: Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Yesterday the little children's devotional I had bought for Charlie for Christmas had a similar verse from Phillipians and the whole little story was about putting your trust in God and not worrying. I can feel him drawing me nearer.

I can feel his gentle tenderness around me right now. I can feel him whisper to me softly, "Listen my child, I will take care of you. I know your heart's desire. Do not worry, do not be afraid, have peace and trust in Me." Why is it so hard to do just that? After bible study, Charlie and I had lunch and then I put him down for a nap.

I spent an hour going through the bible, pouring over each verse that referred to trusting in him. I felt the need to write out as many as I could, those that touched me the deepest. And then I stuck some up on mirrors ad doors so my eye would be drawn to them and read them again and again. Because I need to be reminded.

Then I went to the bedroom and got on my knees and prayed to him and wept. Thanking him for my blessings, asking him for forgiveness for continuing to hold onto this worry and asking him to please help me through this time because I cannot get through it without him. This is so difficult. I feel like I am out there hanging in limbo for the next week and a half, not lost but filled with uncertainty.

I know this particular journey is one where he is refining me and bringing me closer to him. I know because for the next two weeks I have to walk blindly in faith with him guiding me through the darkness. There is no other choice, I just have to have hope.

A Month in Pictures

2010-12-28T21:45:00.001-05:00

Here is what we've been up to for the month of December.

Baking cookies

Cuddling with Daddy on chilly nights

Chatting it up with Santa (don't mind the not so friendly elf)

Building and decorating gingerbread houses (thank you Ikea for a $4 set)

Visiting the big, big city (so bummed the beans eyes were closed in this shot)

Baking more cookies! for parties, teachers, friends, mailmen and garbage men

Dining with our closest moose friends

Erecting a chicken coop worthy of it's name (Monticello)

Kudos to the hubby on this masterpiece

The girls (all six of them) seem to love it

Mama was sewing up a storm (first projects since home ec)

a construction blanket, pillow and toolbelt

celebrating the birth of our savior

opening presents

loving our presents (score one for mama on this tag sale crane)

Getting very excited for our first snowstorm

Fixing up the house with our new tool belt

Whoa! Snow!

How do I get out there to play in it?!

Providing Daddy with moral support

Visiting the Museum of Natural History ( Dinosaurs and Butterflies!)

What a month! We went through another rough patch with sleep issues in the first half of the month but right now for the past 5 days we have been sleeping through and doing wonderfully, no screaming/crying/etc. Last night Charlie was blowing me kisses when I walked out of his room and then shouted to the wall "I love you Mommy", he melts my heart- I shouted it back to him. I wish we could stop the ticking of the clock and just soak up the beauty of this time. I know I will keep that and many other beautiful moments from this month locked away in my heart.

Looks like we'll be jumping back into the fertility treatments in the next week or so. Any prayers you could offer up would be most appreciated and this is a costly process both emotionally and financially.

Wishing everyone a happy new year that is abundantly filled with God's blessings!

Taking a break

2010-12-04T21:01:00.003-05:00

This blog is turning more into a monthly update than a daily chronicling of my life. I think it's just where I am right now mentally, emotionally.

Our first month of working with a specialist and using oral and injectable drugs, lots of bloodwork, ultrasounds, and yet another failure. I was supposed to have a pregnancy test yesterday. I got my period on Tuesday- here I go with TMI, but my cycles continue to shorten in length and it just concerns me that I wouldn't even be able to support a pregnancy should in the off chance that actually might happen. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor on the results of the latest bloodwork.

I decided to take a break from trying to conceive for the month of December. Truly I had no idea how difficult a journey this was going to be when Joe and I embarked on this many months ago. And when we had professional interventive help where I was being monitored on sometimes, a daily basis, I had no idea the level of stress it would burden me with.

Every month I run the gamut of emotions. It truly is a rollercoaster where I soar to the highest hopes and then crash and I contemplate if God even thinks me capable of mothering another child.

With the regular stresses that accompany the holidays I just decided I couldn't do it. The hormones that I inject myself with have affected my moods more than I would like to admit.

I have chosen to take this time to focus on myself more and try to become a more gentle, patient and loving mother to my son.

It is not easy when I literally ache to be pregnant and see so many friends with their beautiful families and so many others pregnant. I know God has his own perfect timing and his own perfect plan so I need to find peace in that.

I'll close this post with something a little more positive. Charlie's imagination is so incredible to watch at work right now. The other day he put on a pretend helmet and gloves when he was working with his digger. He also started using the oven in his pretend kitchen and baked a 'turkey pie' and spicy cookies for me. It was so adorable how he put the pan filled with fake food into the oven, turned the knobs and then took it out declaring it was very, very hot.

And his questioning is taking on a whole new level. He wants to understand everything, and often when we are in the car one question will lead to a thousand other ones. His favorite question used to be " What is x doing?" as in what is the truck doing and so on. Now he asks, "Mommy what is this song about, or what is that story about?" Truly children are little miracles.

Halloween..and other things

2010-11-01T21:17:00.001-04:00

Our Halloween weekend extravaganza, was just that. We had three parties Fri-Sun and got our monies-worth out of that dragon costume! I was shocked by how much Charlie enjoyed it this year. He kept saying "Can we go to another house now?" This was after we had only planned on three houses. He had a blast!

In other news, we are moving along with a reproductive endocrinologist that we both really like. Joe and I have undergone lots of testing the past few weeks and, thank God, everything has come back positive. We have a follow up appointment this Friday to discuss starting our official plan so we'll see what that brings. I had to sign a release that says I am aware that there is a 30% chance of twins (and 10% risk of triplets) with the treatments we'll be undergoing. I'm leaving this one up in my maker's hands, he knows what I can handle and can't.

I'll leave you with some pictures from our weekend :o)

x-mas shot out-take

Between Apples and School

2010-10-09T20:47:00.002-04:00

...This is what we've been up to.
We spent a beautiful Saturday in September at a friend's beach.

We went to the Big E (the biggest fair in the northeast) for the first time.
We saw tons of animals, ate fabulous food, saw the biggest pumpkin ever.

And we went on our first pony ride-thanks Trigger!

Last weekend we went to "touch a truck" and the fire department open house.
Charlie was in awe!

That's all for now :o)

Apple picking

2010-10-09T20:26:00.001-04:00

Today we went apple picking with a bunch of friends, it was such a perfect autumn day. Charlie is getting over a mild cold and was in a much better mood, so he really enjoyed it. It's so hard when they are sick and miserable and can't sleep because they can't breath and you can't get out of the house- it drives Mommy crazy a little too!

I have been remiss about updating this blog and it's making Joe sad. He said this blog is something he wants to be able to look back through and read in the future, so here I am trying to be better and giving an update :o)

Charlie is constantly asking what everyone is doing right now, as in "Mommy doing?, Daddy doing?" He wants us to explain everything to him from the simplest to the most abstract, he truly is a little sponge right now. He's doing fantastic with putting together long sentences and he's enjoying singing songs more since now he is really remembering all the lyrics that go along.

He is even more independent wanting to do everything himself and prove what a big boy he is in all that he does.

On the baby front, there are no news except I have an appointment with a fertility specialist in a couple weeks and will hopefully get to the root of why my body is not cooperating right. I hope we will have a plan soon.

Around the house, we are having a patio and mini-deck put in which will be wonderful to use come the spring. Up until recently we had a door in the mudroom that didn't open to anything ala the Winchester House! Joe and I are also talking about the kitchen more, I'm really hoping we can get started on that project soon but I don't want to push him.

We are getting chickens, as in live, day-old baby chicks, this week. I'm looking forward to this new little adventure and I'm sure that Charlie is going to be enthralled because he loves animals so deeply. By the spring the little ladies will be ready to lay eggs (one a day) and I even researched and bought two girls that will lay blue or green eggs.

Finally, I have decided on a project for myself this year. I am going to try to write a novel. I used to write the summers away when I was a kid, lost in my own little made-up world. I love to read so much and lately I've been devouring several books a week. Then the thought just came to me, why not give it a try again and see where it takes you. So we will see...

The start of 'school'

2010-09-22T14:11:00.000-04:00

I apologize for my absence in blogging (not there are many that read this blog these days) I have found it hard to come here and write about what is going on in my heart because I am trying to drag myself out of that 'woe is me' attitude. Each day I keep finding out about more and more friends that are pregnant and though I am so happy; blissful even for them, there is a small part of me that is feeling empty and sad just for myself.

I was hopeful that this month was going to work out and now it is definitely not looking good. So we are going to move onto the next step, seeing a specialist. By my research it's been about 5 months since I last ovulated.

On to a happier subject: My sweet big boy had his first day of nursery school at a local nature center here not 5 minutes from our house. He loved it, he got to pet a turtle last week and this week, a white dove named Paloma. Charlie adores all animals so this is quite the special treat for my bean. Charlie also started bible study again with me (he is in a seperate baby bible school) and he did amazingly.

He hasn't cried once at either school, he was a touch clingy on the first day, but he just amazes me. We've come so far since last year where every bible study I would pray fervently for him to enjoy himself and he would end up wailing for 2 hours.

Charlie's personlaity has just exploded in the past few months, his vocabulary and ability to speak in sentences and share his thoughts astounds me. His favorite thing to ask is "doing?" As in 'What are you doing there Mama?' We are still in love with diggers and trucks. He still has that gentle spirit and today I even noticed him cleaning up after himself totally unprompted when he was going to bring out more toys. He is my sunshine.

Vacation in RI, CT & NY

2010-09-01T19:58:00.001-04:00

Round Two...

2010-09-01T19:50:00.000-04:00

Port Jefferson Harbor August 2010

We just got back from a little family vacation which was wonderful and flew by all to quickly. Luckily I was able to capture some great shots so we can preserve those beautiful memories.

Unfortunately, my reproductive woes are continuing. I went in for bloodwork after the first round of meds and my doc called me while on vacation to tell me that I didn't even ovulate at all this cycle. What is going on with my body?

So she is doubling my dosage of the meds and hoping that will kick start my body to work the way it should. I had a peace pass over me after a beautiful bible study this week. A peace that reminded me that God has his own perfect plan that is better than anything I could ever envision. I'm holidng onto that and hopeful that maybe this is our month. We'll see...

The empty room

2010-08-17T14:20:00.000-04:00

There is another 'presence' in our house. It isn't just Joe, Charlie, Owen and I anymore.

We have an extra bedroom that has acted as a sort of staging area/storage room since we moved in last summer.

The room is large, larger than our master bedroom actually and because of it's identity crisis I have not spent much quality time in that room 'getting to know it better' if you would. I have a belief that when you move into a house you should take a little time to get to know one another before making major changes or tearing down walls.

Several weeks ago in an attempt to simplify and declutter I had a tag sale. Now that room is practically empty with the exception of a couple dusty boxes of books and a few pieces of my corporate work wardrobe.

Joe and I decided to that in spite of our fear of having another baby with reflux/colic and possible sleep, eating and anxiety issues, our desire to have another child is much deeper. We want Charlie to have a sister or brother to grow up with. The halls of this house should be filled with more sounds of laughter and love. Honestly it feels a little lonely in here right now.

We have been trying to get pregnant for several months without luck. Recently I went to the doctor about a problem with my cycles and am now on a corrective medication which will hopefully help us.

In the mean time I feel as if that room is quietly waiting, almost holding it's breath in anticipation of what might be. Each time I pass it and see the way the sun is playing on the bare wood floors I wonder how long it will be before I will spend time kneeling on them with a little one beside me.

I dream about how that room will look, but even in my mind's eye the pictures are a little fuzzy. I can picture a little reading nook with a bench beside one of the windows but I can't envision much else. Maybe it's because I have so many fears and hopes wrapped up in those walls that nothing else can fit in there right now.

I pray that my dream is in line with God's plan and that we can find purpose for that quiet room soon.

Thanks for sticking with me!

2010-08-17T14:19:00.002-04:00

It's been a tough month with the loss of Marshall and Joe battling another illness but we are looking up.
Sorry for the silence, I needed some time to reflect and heal.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words!

Radio Silence

2010-08-03T13:32:00.001-04:00

A week and a half ago I got a call, one of those calls that shakes your world and in not a good way. Our cousin and beloved friend Marshall was taken to the hospital by ambulance on Friday, July 23rd and there were barely any details of what had happened.

Later that day we found out that Marshall had a massive stroke, one that he would not recover from. He had serious bleeding in his brain and it was inoperable. The family was told he would probably die within a day.

The next day was my sister in-law's bridal shower. As I was busy cutting up roses and putting them into vases for table arrangements Joe called again. This time it was to tell me that Marshall was gone.

It was so incredibly difficult to say goodbye. Marshall was an incredible man, he loved life, loved to laugh and joke and he loved his family deeply.

It came as such a shock when Joe and I had just had Marshall over for dinner on Wednesday night. His request was spaghetti and meatballs. He brought us his favorite bread and we had one of the nicest times together we've ever had talking and laughing about our lives.

Marshall had a very difficult life. One of his first two children (twins) was born stillborn and the other was severely disabled. Then his wife died of breast cancer when their other children were still very young. Despite his past and what he had been through, Marshall found joy in every day.

Marsh practically lived at our new-old house for the first year we lived here. He was an expert plumber and helped us in so many ways. He single-handedly completed the massive amount of work in our double bathroom renovation upstairs. It was so wonderful to have him around as much as he was because he loved Charlie so much. He was a comfort to me. My heart aches now that he is gone, but a beautiful miraculous thing happened to me the Friday night that Marsh was in the hospital. He was on a respirator at this point, holding on until one of his daughters flew in from California to see him.

It was a restless, nearly sleepless night for me. Charlie had already woken up once and I laid in bed thinking about Marshall and praying for him. Then Charlie woke again, around a quarter of 3 o'clock. Instead of trying to get him to settle in his bed I just scooped him up and brought him into our bedroom. He fell back asleep almost instantly, but I continued to lay there thinking about Marsh.

Then at 3:19 am, as I had my head tilted towards Charlie I felt a hand gently laid on my head. The pressure was so light, but it pressed my hair closer to my skin and it was very obvious I was being touched. I turned to look and saw nothing, no one was there, but I just knew in my heart it was Marshall. I even said out loud as it happened, "Someone just touched me on my head." I turned my head to look to Charlie and there he was in his sleep slapping his hands over his head as if someone were touching him. Marsh used to rustle Charlie's hair sometimes when he came to see us. I just knew it was him.

Then I found out from my sister in-law that Marsh had made a visit to her house around 3am that night too. She heard footsteps and like someone had stomped in front of her bedroom door. Her dogs were staring at the hallway as if there was someone there.

Honestly, I feel so blessed and comforted by Marshall's 'visit' because his death was so sudden. I know I will see him again someday and God was compassionate enough to allow us that last goodbye until we meet in heaven.

I'm going to follow up this post with another post about Marshall, things I want to remember always about him so I can share them with Charlie and let him know how much he was loved by Marsh. I know we have another guardian angel watching over our family now.

Mini Getaway

2010-07-16T21:07:00.001-04:00

Yesterday afternoon Joe and I embarked on a new adventure, our first little vacation without Charlie. We dropped the bean off at a very close friend's house and instead of a tearful goodbye he giggled and blew us kisses. I did notice he was crooking his neck to see our car go out of sight as much as I was craning mine. I felt like I had left my heart at my dear friend's doorstep, but I knew he was in the most loving hands and had his best friend to play with so he would be ok.

Joe and I stayed at the Saybrook Point Inn and Spa in Old Saybrook, CT. It was so beautiful, our room was gorgeous, the staff so was kind and polite and the view of the water was amazing. After we checked in and explored our room a little we walked the grounds and marina. We had dinner at the restaurant in the hotel, Terra Mar and it was fabulous.

Joe had this yummy 'taste of summer' appetizer with grilled corn and safron and lobster fritters and I had a delish salad with pears, the creamiest dolce gorgonzola, sliced almonds and bibb lettuce. Then Joe had a cioppino seafood soup over angel hair and it had the most wonderful white wine in it. I had swordfish with creamy polenta and roasted eggplant and other veggies. The restaurnt gave us a free little bite of scallop tartar that had citrusf fruits diced in and it was refresing and yummy. We were so stuffed we couldn't do dessert but they brought out these crisp, buttery cranberry biscotti, makes me want to make a batch now!

After dinner we drove to Essex, a sweet little town that Joe and I visited by boat 3 years ago. They had a beautiful historic downtown filled with antique shops. We grabbed an ice cream and I nervously waited to find out how Charlie fared at bedtime. He didn't even cry which totally blew me away considering he cries at home for me!

After our ice cream and some time for my nerves to cool off (lol) we discovered this gorgeous beach on the way back to the hotel. The sand was so soft and the view was just amazing. Joe and I actually held hands and cuddled looking up at the crescent moon.

This morning we grabbed breakfast at the same restaurant (fabulous again). Then we cleaned up and checked out of the hotel went back to Essex to do some shopping and then we grabbed lunch at the Griswold Inn , which has been around since the Declaration of Independence.

After lunch we did some antiquing and I found a little treasure in one of the stores. I had to convince Joe of it at first but we haggled a little over the price of a beautiful original oil painting and nabbed it for $135! Back home (and honestly in most of the other antique stores we've ever been in CT) this beauty would have fetched at least $500. I would have admired it and gone home empty-handed. But not today, it was our lucky day!

Here 'she' is hanging at the top of our stairs:

A close up. Can I tell you the frame alone would have cost $200 in this area!

This is her neighbor (a painting I bought for Joe a looooong time ago):

Oh and here are the presents we found for the bean while in Essex :o)

It was a wonderful trip, so lovely to be able to spend some time alone with Joe, but I missed Charlie every second of it too! I couldn't wait to get back to snuggle with him.

26 months

2010-07-05T13:36:00.001-04:00

My dear boy,

It's been far too long since I've thrown an update on all your milestones and new activities so here goes...

At 2 yrs and 2 months you can:
-Say your last name and the town we live in
-Count to 20 somewhat consistently
-You lace your fingers together to pray twice a day (at dinner-time and bed-time)
-Eat chicken soup on your own very well (this may not seem big but for a child who basically refuses to eat veggies 99.9% of the time, Mommy considers this a huge victory)
-Walk down stairs with little help from Mommy (I basically hold out a limp hand)
-Ask to go on the Elmo potty and have consistently gone poop and peepee on a nightly basis. I am doing this solely on your interest level, really didn't want to start the training so early, but we are taking a no-stress approach to this right now.
-Use sentences for everything. "Need more smoothie please" :o) "Where's crabby- there he is!"
-You parrot back what I say as well as what others say. When we were stuck outside Trader Joe's a week ago b/c of a fast summer shower a lady beside us said "Oh Geeze" and you promptly parrotted that back to her.
-You love apples and samples when we are food shopping (Traders and Costco are our favs)
-You mimic your friends and then crack yourself up doing it.
-You love playing in the bath with your crabby, and dumping water over your head.
-You love reading and pretend to read to yourself, it is so sweet.
-You love to sing itsy bitsy spider, ABC's, and the wheels on the bus but you love all music.
-You know some of your colors but some days everything is blue, lol
-You want to sit in your big boy booster seat for every meal now, so we eat together at the kitchen table and it's so wonderful to look across at my sweet boy :o)

I still miss you when you are asleep my dear boy, but I doubt that will ever change.

All my love,
Mama

What we've been up to lately...

2010-07-04T20:11:00.002-04:00

Some fun at the farm...

More fun on the boat...

Fireworks for the Fourth!

wow!

And then I had to throw this one in.. Today I stepped away from the kitchen table to clean something in the sink. I hear Charlie singing to himself and then counting. And this is what he did with his lunch. A birthday cake ala Charlie :o)

Happy Fourth everyone!

Weekend Shots

2010-06-22T13:09:00.001-04:00

Father's Day Dinner:
Grilled Citrus Marinated Tilapia with Mango Salsa
Couscous and Corn on the Cob
Double Berry Shortcakes with Whipped Cream

Near Completion

2010-06-19T10:25:00.002-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to take perfect house shots of our 99.9% nearly completed bathrooms, because I have a sweet super-active toddler and wonderful husband and I would rather spend time with them in place of constantly cleaning and de-cluttering. So here's the closest I can get!

Charlie's Bath:

Master:

I have two rugs but Charlie peed all over the the other one last night at bath time LOL. Oh and we just got our towel bar that needs to go up below the window, Joe will do that tonight. I haven't been able to bring accessories in and add some more personality but you can get an idea of where it will be at some point in the distant future.

A painting my Mom completed that I just had framed.

And, because I can't resist, a shot of the bean in our bedroom
pretending to read after a shower with Daddy.

Have a great Father's Day Weekend!

Summertime :o)

2010-06-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

The Great Outdoors

2010-05-26T19:09:00.001-04:00

We have had some beautiful weather since the weekend so Charlie and I have been trying to make the most of the sunshine. Yesterday we had a play date at the beach with friends- so much fun watching they boys together splashing in the water and digging in the sand.

Today we went to a friend's pool in the morning and then before dinner the bean and I played in our yard. The thermometer on my car said 99 and it felt like it- you can tell by Charlie's cheeks!

Daddy is my hero

2010-05-21T08:42:00.001-04:00

Joe took a day off from the office to work in our yard.
As soon as Charlie saw Joe wearing this 'hat' as he called it he wanted to wear it all day and be like Daddy.
The most adorable part- everytime Charlie saw his Joe walk by he clapped his hands like he was a rockstar.
I think Joe felt like one too :o)

A beautiful Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:44:00.001-04:00

Charlie and I have had a rough several weeks with a new stage he is in (separation anxiety, defiance and fear seem to be the major overtones of this phase) so it was such a blessing to have a lovely day with my boys and family today.

I have been feeling very run down the last four days or so because of all the stress and either a sinus infection or allergies have been getting the best of me.

Joe and Charlie pampered me with breakfast in bed, scrambled eggs bacon and toast with apple juice. It was so special and we all shared the yummy feast in our bedroom. After cards and Joe telling me I could choose from a spa treatment or gym membership as my gift (thank you sweetheart for being so generous) I gave both boys haircuts. Charlie was not a fan of his makeover this time around and no amount of singing or Milano cookies could coax him into believing otherwise. So he really got a touch up :o)

We made it to the late church service. During the sermon I've been somewhat successful lately in giving Charlie a lollipop to keep him quiet. Not something I normally allow but it's a super special treat just so we don't disturb others until I can reason with my toddler a bit better- please don't judge! Well Charlie apparently adores cherry lollipops more than any other flavor because he was lip-smacking so loud that several people were cracking up laughing from his antics. So much for trying to be inconspicuous!

After church Joe and the bean hung out for an hour while I packed bags and got directions to the restaurant we were going to with my family. Lunch/dinner was absolutely delish, waaaay too much food as is always the case with my family. I had this delicious lobster and corn ravioli in a truffle cream sauce. And that was after calamari, antipasto, mini meatballs, and a shrimp veggie appetizer. Then they rolled out was seemed like seven or more desserts (peanut butter cake with some crunchy divine brittle, chocolate gooey cakes, mini ice cream cones, and sinful donuts with some sort of vanilla bean custard sauce to dip in.

The donuts were made famous at the Michael Jackson funeral and Joe tried convincing everyone at the table about this, but everyone laughed it off because Joe is a jokester. When the waitress confirmed that little trivia my whole family cracked up.

My niece Alexa made this hilarious comment when all the desserts were coming out. She said "they're trying to make us all fat!"

After that enormous lunch Joe and I said goodbye to my family and went over to see Joe's parents for a few hours. And now I'm home tired but happy and full (still hours later) and listening to my drying running as Charlie sleeps upstairs.

Here's a few shots from our day:

2nd Birthday Party

2010-05-05T13:43:00.003-04:00

Last weekend we had Charlie's 2nd Birthday party. It was the most beautiful, fun day.
My mom, sisters and their families, Uncle Frank and Billy and Joe's sister and her fiance were all in attendance. We had 80 degree sunny weather (this seems to be starting a pattern since Carlie's first birthday party was exactly the same weather-wise).

I am so blessed that I have an understanding husband that realized that his wife literally wilts in the heat and determined that central air would be a good thing to have for our family. The house was cool and comfy all day despite my oven working overtime.

Joe took Charlie in the morning to his soccer class and then picked up the cake and balloons I had ordered earlier. That gave me a few final hours of prep time which was so helpful. Our menu for the day was BBQ themed:

Appetizers (many from trader joes)
Coconut shrimp with a spicy apricot dipping sauce
Egg rolls with sweet & sour sauce
Feta and carmelized onion pastry bites
Blue crab dip and crackers
Artichoke dip
Chips & Dip

Main Course (Joe was a great grill master!)
Garlic herb butter stuffed hamburgers
Pulled pork and slaw sandwiches
Hot dogs
Chicken skewers with sweet Jack Daniel's grill glaze
Potato Salad
Pasta Salad
Corn on the cob (that no one ended up eating lol)
Onion rings

Dessert
Birthday cake (from NY Bakery chocolate and decadent)
Oreo truffles
Brownies
Chocolate chip cookies
and my Mom made two types of biscotti!

Next year I will edit my menu down because it was entirely too much food but everyone really seemed to enjoy everything. Oh and those hamburgers took forever to make, as in hours! Don't think I will be undertaking that again, unless on a small scale.

I had originally planned an activity for the kids to go with the construction/dirt theme (they were going to make seed bombs with dirt, fertilizer and flower seeds) but I'm glad I took a more laid back approach. The kids played in the bounce house we borrowed from a friend and played a bunch of baseball games in the front yard too.

I tried to be super organized about the food and it paid off because I was able to enjoy the party and see Charlie enjoy playing with his cousins. My sweet niece Ariana also played photographer for the day and helped snap some awesome shots.

Charlie was showered with amazing gifts from his family and he is loving every single one of them more than a week later. My family was so generous it was overwhelming :o)

We worked on thank you cards this week and Charlie drew pictures in each of the cards. It was so sweet watching him do it. He scribbled on his Mimas card and the scribble actually came out looking like a boat and he said "a boat!" and was amazed that he had done it. Then he drew an "A." My little boy is really growing fast.

Here's a few shots from our special day:

Before and After -Entryway Paint Update

2010-05-05T13:23:00.003-04:00

Joe and I had been painting the bathrooms and bedroom off and on for weeks now and with all the other business in our life we just could not complete the projects. We decided to hire a painter to finish because we just want to be done with this.

I will post pictures of Charlie's bathroom when the toilet is put back in place, but I wanted to show a few shots of the entry. The hall and stairs desperately needed a new paint job despite us only living in the house for 10 months. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose white but it's a lesson learned.

We decided to give Farrow and Ball paint a try, because #1: we have heard many ravs about the colors, coverage and finish of the paint and #2 there is only 130 colors to choose from and I am absolutely awful when it comes to picking out paint colors. I get overloaded on the tiniest nuances/color variations/undertones etc. We opted for a more substantial color, Stony Ground, since we tend to always go too light. It was a bit of a shock to me when I first saw it going on the wall but it is a lovely color and eventually, when the kitchen is redone we will have a nice tall wainscot put up and painted in a creamy white, so it won't be floor to ceiling brown.

Having now tried the paint I can say the finish is no better than Benjamin Moore/Calfornia. We opted for the Modern emulsion which is a slightly matte finish. Perhaps the dead flat finish is much more incredible but we can't explore that world until all the little ones are well grown in our family. I will say there was zero odor, which was lovely considering I hosted a book club last night, you would have never known that a painter was working all day. What do you think of the color?

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Bad Blogger!

2010-04-29T13:48:00.001-04:00

I've been awful lately with zero entries. Trying to paint, finish to dos around the house, spring clean and plan a birthday party have absorbed all my free time.

Oh, and we came down with Coxsackie (our whole house) and that took quite a while to recover from. Charlie was up screaming at night and had blisters everywhere: hands, feet, tongue, throat. As a result we are now all thrown off for our napping and sleeping and Charlie was up for three hours last night and refused to nap today (and the past few days). I'm praying that if I get him to bed very early tonight that he will sleep through and then I will be able to catch up a bit too. Here's a shot of a sick Charlie snuggling with Owen:

And yesterday the birthday 2nd birthday!

Charlie enjoyed himself thoroughly and blew out the candle like a big boy. I'm going to create another post just to detail what we did on his birthday but thought while I had a moment to pop in a few shots, I would.

photo montage

2010-04-13T19:26:00.002-04:00

cheeeese!

silly eyes

big grins

eyelashes

green bean

saying grace

teeth!

the comedian :o)

Weekend in Review

2010-04-12T19:10:00.001-04:00

I never gave a recap on Easter so here it is- We had a phenomenal day! I did a ton of prep on Saturday and as a result we were able to go to church together and then come home and get the monstrous ham in the oven. Having an organized plan really helped save me form being a major worry-wort. The ham and stuffed shells came out great and all the side dishes my sisters and mom made were absolutely delicious. We had way too much food from appetizers to dessert but that's the way it always is with our family.

The kids had fun with our little egg hunt and played outside enjoying the beautiful sunny weather. It was so nice to host everyone and I had so much help cleaning up that the house was in pretty good shape when everyone left to go home.

Here's a shot of my bean before church, it was a quick shot and his eyes are half open but we were in a rush.

One thing I do regret is not getting a family picture. Joe and I are so awful at getting pictures together, it's pretty bad. I need to work on that before the next big birthday arrives in a little more than two weeks!

This past weekend we were blessed again with gorgeous weather and Charlie had his first soccer class. It was so cute, he and his buddies had a great time and the instructor was a lot of fun and really patient.

After soccer Joe took a load of tree branches and roots to the dump and then we took a long, sunny walk together. We also made it to the beach and Charlie played in the sand, on the slide, fed the seagulls and explored.

Sunday we went to church in the morning and then spent most of the day outside working on the yard. I actually had my hand at the backhoe and dug up some tree stumps- it was fun playing the the big boy toys! All in all it was as perfect a weekend as it could have been because we spent it together as a family in the warm sunshine :o)

Little man

2010-04-03T20:31:00.000-04:00

You are the light of my life :o)

Thank you for making every day a new fun adventure :o) Love Mama

Easter Prep

2010-04-02T21:05:00.001-04:00

This Sunday I will be hosting for Easter. It is the first time we are hosting a holiday and I can't wait :o) I started working of the table settings this afternoon, I still have some work to do with the linens (and on Sunday I will add dyed eggs to the egg cups), but here is a little glimpse at what I'm working on:

Were hosting about 17 for dinner and 22ish for dessert, hence the second table (and our kitchen table will be used too!)

We are going to have an egg hunt in the front yard and I have some fun craft projects for the kids planned too. I also made place cards for the kids with trivia Q&A on them.

I can't wait to see Charlie soak everything in. He is speaking in sentences now and has started calling Joe and I Mommy and Daddy which is so precious. Tonight he said Nigh-night Daddy, Nigh-night Mommy when we were putting him to bed. And in the morning he just wants to cuddle in bed with us. I am in love with this stage and my sweet, mushy boy :o)

Bathroom Paint Job

2010-03-27T15:52:00.001-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I hired a babysitter to watch Charlie so I could paint the bathroom. I am so happy with the color that some of you gave me feedback on (BM Pale Smoke), so thank you! It's the perfect shade of grey-blue that brings out the marble and the cabinetry; such a soothing color.

Here's a shot of the mini-hallway in our bedroom with the new paint color I put up this morning, Wedgewood Grey (also BM).

Now we just have to paint the trim, put up the vanity lights and we are almost there. Then Charlie's bathroom needs painting and vanity lights too.

When the lights go out in the city...

2010-03-18T13:09:00.001-04:00

We survived the major Noreaster but with no power for five days!
I'll be posting on that separately today as it was a big adventure.
Here's a shot of one part of our neighborhood
to give you an idea of the severity of the storm:

And here's a quick bathroom photo update.
Not too much has changed but we've had lots of bad weather and cancellations.
We'll get there...

Radio Silence

2010-03-09T10:01:00.002-05:00

Our computer pretty much exploded about two weeks ago so if anyone has been wondering why there have been no posts, there you have it. We are getting closer to finished with the bathroom renovations and I can't wait to post some new pictures but still have to upload my camera software.

We are also having central air installed (so exciting!) and the landscaping projects are going to start up again since we are having some amazing 50 degree weather. My friends made fun of me for busting out my flip flops yesterday, but I am euphoric about the arrival of spring this year.

Charlie is bustling about and saying some two words sentences. His vocabulary is amazing now and it is so much easier to communicate. That being said we still have our disagreements when his priorities don't align with mine :o) I've been reading up a lot on the terrible twos and am convinced we are doing a pretty good job all around. But check back with me tomorrow, that could change!

Basketweave Tile

2010-02-13T12:54:00.001-05:00

Still needs to be grouted, but one step closer...

Our living room is livable now that we moved the furniture back in. At some point, many moons from today, I will have an opportunity to pain the wood furniture a beachy white so everything can match. Maybe that can be a summer project. We also need a small coffee table (that you can put drinks on) for our sectional. It definitely feels warmer and more cozy in there now.

Grout and Bound Carpet

2010-02-11T15:56:00.002-05:00

Grouted tile!!

The wait is over. After 2 months, backorders, and a torn carpet that forced us to live without a living room for a week the carpet man came today with my bound rug :o)

Before:

After:

Charlie isn't the only one jumping for joy.

The coloring is a bit off in these shots but you get the idea :o)
This is the cleanest either will ever be, but that's the way my beautiful life is with the little bean.

Paint Color Question

2010-02-08T18:31:00.002-05:00

Here are some updated shots from today.
We have a vanity and medicine cabinet installed :o)

The vanities in the master were installed also, I just don't have a decent shot to share.
A different look at the tub with a better view of the tile and chair rail.

And here's my question if anyone would like to share their thoughts. Below is a paint chip with two colors. One the left is the more green blue BM Woodlawn Blue. On the right is a more grey blue, BM Pale Smoke. Which one do you think would look better with the carrera? Am I splitting hairs here, lol?! You can click on the picture to make it larger, not sure if that helps at all though! I won't say which I'm leaning towards just yet...

Finally I had to share this picture of the bean reading in his room :o)

Bathrooms- We're getting there!

2010-02-04T18:49:00.002-05:00

Here are a couple shots from Charlie's bath. Beadboard almost complete.
Door has been hung.
Tomorrow if everything goes as planned the cabinetry will be installed
and we can put the toilet in permanently- oh joy of joys!

Here's the status on the master:
Carrera tile installed, 'backsplash' for the soaker tub with chair rail installed.

Next up will be the shower stall and the carpenter will work on wainscoting (paneling) on the walls and tub deck.

It feels as though things are falling into place :o)

State of my Union

2010-01-31T20:00:00.001-05:00

Last week after the President gave his speech, Joe and I had a chat in bed about wishes and goals for our family in the future. It's no secret that Joe has wanted to add to our family, he was ready to start when Charlie was six months old. And everyday we're finding out more and more of our friends are pregnant with their second and third little ones. I think I stopped counting after 12!

But here we are, quickly approaching Charlie's second birthday and I still do not feel in any way ready to have another baby.

I think there are multiple reasons for my hesitation.

The first is that my son is an extremely demanding child when it is just him and myself. I know every toddler is high energy, prone to meltdowns etc. But Charlie wakes up every morning, and consequently from each nap, screaming and shrieking as though someone is trying to murder him. This is how we start every day. I have many friends who say their babies can quietly and happily play in their crib. Honestly, it takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes for my son to calm down from once he has woken up.

It wasn't until recently that we started getting good quality sleep in our house despite my efforts at sleep training with several methods.

The severity of his reflux/colic and allergies in his infancy (up to about 14 months) have worn off but the emotional scars are still very present for me. The screaming for hours, constant projectile vomiting, hunger strikes and refusal to eat really wore me down. I felt completely lost and incompetent as a mother.

Our breastfeeding failure (and my complete desperation to make it work) left me feeling extremely depressed and like less of a mother.

When Charlie gets ill it takes him twice as long as the normal toddler to recover. I've seen this time and time again with all of our baby-friends. Today was the first good day we had since he came down with the stomach bug on Monday. His gastroenterologist termed him a "easy vomiter" so certain textures of foods or even coughing too hard can cause him to completely empty his stomach.

For a long time when we were trying to work on our sleep schedule he would vomit one or more times at bedtime (and sometimes at naps too) and we would have to change the sheets, him, clean the floors. It has been so emotionally exhausting to try and fill him with healthy well balanced foods to see everything come right back up again.

He does not have much of a threshold for pain (I think this comes back to the reflux) so whenever he was teething we just could not sleep.

I'm not going to drag through all the other reasons and details but I think the crux of the matter is that with all our trials I have ended up doubting myself and at times I still do not feel confident about my abilities.

I am fearful that then next child will end up having one or more of the problems Charlie had. I don't know where I would find the time to give enough attention, enough of myself, to both children. Would there be anything left after that?

I know many other mothers have suffered far worse than I have. I'm not trying to complain, really just state what is going on inside of my head and heart. I pray each night and morning and ask God to make me a better mother to my son. Charlie is such a source of complete joy and love for me.

Joe and I came out of our discussion feeling better for having communicated and hopefully, come the spring, God will have worked on my heart some more and I will be ready to take that next step. I think when the time comes I may have to just close my eyes and leap with blind faith.

To close on a happy note, I'm ending this post with a funny picture :o)

21 months

2010-01-29T21:31:00.002-05:00

When did my baby become a little man?

Charlie your vocabulary is exploding; today you must have said ten new words.
You know a couple letters and your favorite number is 2.
You love to have your blankie flipped over your face and sometimes you will still play peek-a-boo with it.
You adore animals and like to make animal noises. Favorites are frog, snake, lion & cat
You'd love to hug and kiss every animal you come across. Owen seems to love your affection:o)
You try to make everyone (even strangers) laugh with silly faces and noises.
You're a dancing machine and ask to dance every day in the living room.
You still have that gentle, loving, helpful little spirit.
Right now you are not aggressive or confrontational when playing with others (although that may change).
If you see something you think is neat you say "hi" to it (i.e. trucks)
You're deeply in love with diggers trucks anything with lots of horsepower!
You think your Papa drives every truck and digger in CT.
You know where every digger/crane/bulldozer is located in town.
You lace your tiny little fingers together to pray with us every night and can say Jesus and Amen.
You like to read your bible nightly and try to manipulate Mama into spending morning time by asking to read more of the bible. It's working.

You are going through a Mama phase since you had the tummy bug (and are still recovering from it).

Every day is better than the last. You are the greatest gift God could ever have given me.
Love, Mama

Under the weather

2010-01-27T08:01:00.003-05:00

We are just getting over a nasty tummy bug at the house but I wanted to share a couple updates.
Owen is doing great adjusting to our house and family. I caught him and Joe napping on the couch the other night. He is very gentle and so sweet.

And we had the marble deck installed for our tub on Monday. Joe and I primed the walls in both bathrooms and today the floors in the master will hopefully be laid down :o)

And Charlie is doing great since his surgery (with the exception of the stomach bug). His surgery was over in about 15 minutes and I think I suffered more than he did. I just realized that I never posted about that big day.

It was very difficult for me to see him on the operating table. He looked so scared and, though the anesthesiologist said he would be out in seconds, my little stubborn guy would not succumb to the anesthesia for what felt like minutes. The doctor exclaimed, "wow, he has quite a tolerance!"

After sitting in Charlie's little waiting room for twenty minutes I heard his cries and knew he was probably being wheeled to recovery. It took us about 45 minutes to get him to calm down but once he did he was back to his old self. To be honest the stomach bug he just had was far worse in comparison to the surgery. I was more exhausted from the emotional workout then anything else.

Well, that's it for my quick update, more to come!

Progress woohoo!

2010-01-22T12:13:00.002-05:00

Today Charlie's bathroom tile was installed. I cannot tell you how exciting this is for me! These shots are not exactly color accurate because of the time of day and flash, but you get the idea. The floor tile is from Lowes and was super inexpensive ($1 a square foot). The bath tile is you basic subway 3x6 in glossy white.

Pretty soon the dark cherry stained cabinetry and the oil rubbed bronze fixtures will be in place and the beadboard will be up on the walls and then my vision will hopefully come together and look pretty.

Our wonderful plumber is coming tomorrow to complete a bunch of work and then Monday the Marble guy is coming to lay the marble slab for my tub in the master. Woohoo for progress!

New addition to the family

2010-01-21T20:19:00.001-05:00

I have been awful with updating this past week. Between Charlie's surgery and picking up this handsome fellow at a local rescue organization, and then coordinating to dos for the bathroom renos its been busy. Oh and we also had a designer come to look at our 1950's kitchen.

More on all of that tomorrow but I wanted to introduce Owen first. He is a sweet and gentle guy, between 3 and 4 years old. He allows Charlie to hug and kiss him and give him treats and he sits right beside my feet everytime I work on the computer. Charlie asks to see him every morning and throughout the day.

Owen was marked to be euthanized on Christmas Eve because of overcrowding at a Greenville NC animal pound. A kind and loving woman rescued him just in time and then drove him and a car load of other cats up north to CT. We are thinking of finding a sister for Owen, but the jury is still out!

Surgery Tomorrow

2010-01-12T21:22:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow morning my baby is going to have surgery to put tubes in his ears. He has had 11 ear infections in 12 months. It's no wonder we've had so many sleep issues. I am praying for a safe and smooth surgery and being able to cuddle with my little man all afternoon.

I apologize for the radio silence as of late. I've been missing my sweet boy Malc.
We are also in the process of looking for a new furry addition (or two) to our home.
I've made a few stops at some shelters and am hoping that God will guide us to the right cat
or cats that will be a great addition to our family.

Finally, I've been also reflecting on the new year a bit and have some goals for 2010:

I'm hoping to be a more patient mother, more supportive wife (also daughter/sister/friend), and a better Christian.

I'd like to work on organizing the house better, planning our meals out more thoroughly,
and save more money by shopping sales and using coupons.

In 2010 we will definitely add to our family with one or two cats, maybe chickens (farm fresh eggs!) and God willing (hopefully when I start to feel a bit more ready) another baby.

Meatloaf

2010-01-07T19:52:00.003-05:00

We are sort of snobs when it comes to meatloaf at our house. That is until today when I had a pound of meatloaf mix and didn't have the motivation to pan fry 20 some odd meatballs, and in effect, smell like oil and garlic all day.

I combined two recipes for meatloaf, one from Ina Garten and the other from Allrecipes. I served it with roasted potatoes and carrots and a baby green salad with sweet vidalia dressing.

Kelly's Brown Sugar Mini Meatloaves (something about individualized meatloaves elevated it for me)

1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup ketchup
1 chopped onion
3 minced cloves of garlic
1 1/4- 1 1/2 lb meatloaf mix
1/2 cup whole milk
1 extra large egg
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tsp ketchup
1/2 cup seasoned Italian bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a sheet pan (or use a silpat). Sprinkle brown sugar into five ovals (where you will be setting the loaves) on the sheet pan and squirt ketchup on top.

Saute onion with olive oil for five minutes until translucent and then toss in the garlic for the last minute. Remove from heat. Gently combine all remaining ingredients in a bowl (including the onion and garlic). Try to not overmix because you will end up with more dense loaves. Place loaves on top of brown sugar/ketchup.

Bake for 40 - 45 minutes or until the internal temperature reaches 160 degrees.

First Snow man

2010-01-05T12:54:00.002-05:00

Last week we had a few snowstorms and my two guys went out to play in the front yard.
Dirtiest snowman ever but not much to be done about that!

Hi mom!

It's caaullld!

Ta-dah!

Answered Prayer

2009-12-30T20:38:00.003-05:00

I had Malcolm for 11 years. God blessed me so richly by bringing Malc into my life. When I went to the shelter at the Humane Society in Albuquerque, NM there were a lot of cats there that day. I asked the volunteer to take the near emaciated black and white kitty out of his cage just so I could pet him a second. As soon as she put him back in his cage he cried so loud that we laughed because we couldn't even hear each other speak over his meowing. I still remember her saying, "Well it looks like he made his choice."

Then when I was making the donation to get him, the girl at the front desk told me he had been sent to three different shelters and they were planning on putting him down in the next few days if he didn't get adopted. God was working through both of us.

Malcolm was such a loving, beautiful little spirit. Last night I was praying to God for a sign just to know that he was OK and had made it to heaven. This morning I woke up and fervently prayed that same prayer.

Then we all went downstairs to have breakfast. Afterward Joe told me to go take a shower, that maybe it would help me to feel better. I have to preface this all by saying that Malc loved to drink water from the shower, I guess he just liked it very fresh. Sometimes I would pour cold tap water from the sink onto the shower floor so he could have a drink in there.

Well I got out of the shower, wrapped up in a towel and Charlie pushed the bathroom door open and came in. He pointed to the shower door so excitedly and said "Cat, cat!" We opened the shower door to him and asked where the cat was and he eagerly pointed to this one spot on the shower floor. And then he did what he always used to do when he saw Malcolm. He leaned his head in to give the 'cat' a hug and kiss. He did it not once, but twice. And then pointed again and again saying, "Cat, cat, cat!" Then my son came over to me and, completely unprompted, gave me a soft gentle hug and leaned his head on me.

I literally felt God's presence in that moment.

Charlie hasn't started the whole 'pretend play' stage yet and he's never tried to hug or kiss thin air. I hadn't mentioned Malcolm to Charlie since Joe and I had taken him to the vet yesterday afternoon. I have to believe in my heart that Charlie, as a complete innocent, saw our sweet Malcolm. That Malcolm came to visit us and let me know that yesterday wasn't the end, it was a new beginning.

My skeptical, analytical engineer husband saw the whole thing and is completely convinced that it was a miracle. It gives me comfort, but oh do I miss him with everything in me. Tonight I'm trying to focus on how richly God blessed me today by sending me such a clear and moving message. Malcolm is in heaven and one day we will be together again.

Malcolm

2009-12-27T11:12:00.001-05:00

My sweet kitty, whom I toted all over the country in my twenties, is dying. Rather than allow him to suffer Joe and I are going to take him to the vet this week to have him put to sleep. He has had cancer off and on over the years. He fought it many times over with three surgeries.

He is the sweetest most gentle cat I have known. He allowed Charlie to give him hugs and kisses, feed him treats and just hang around. When I was working and we had just gotten married Malc would greet me at the door every night. He played with my nieces and let them dress him up when we had sleepovers. He was a talker always meowing and telling us about his day. He was never aloof, he always wanted to be close to our family, so would always be in the same room we were. At night he loved to sleep beside me. He loved birds and grass just like any other kitty, and whenever I was sad or sick he would stay right beside me until I felt better.

I'm not sure how I'm going to find the strength to let go and take him to the vet. Only God can help me with that I guess.

I have to believe that we will see each other again. Though I know the bible doesn't come out and say animals go to heaven, I just have to believe that my compassionate and loving God would not allow anything less.

Bathroom Progress Report

2009-12-20T18:11:00.003-05:00

What we initially thought would be completed by Christmas is a long way from being done! Here's what Charlie's bathroom looks like right now:

And here are some shots of the master:
A view of the shower with half wall

Soaker air-jet tub with heated backrest woohoo!
(she's not there permanently, but will be soon)

View from door way

On the docket this short holiday week are some plumbing and insulating.
Next week sheetrock and taping and then maybe tile after that?
The space is going to be tight with two sinks and vanities and medicine cabinets and a skinny linen closet tossed in there beside the tub, but we need to make the most of the square feet we have. Oh, and I am getting my wish (re: All I want for Christmas is a working toilet) just in time for my Mom to visit for Christmas!

Winter Wonderland

2009-12-20T10:44:00.001-05:00

'sledding' in the back yard

my serious boy

hmm what's this white stuff?

wonder how it tastes :o)

the end :o)

On this day last year...

2009-12-16T20:24:00.001-05:00

I miss that little guy....I wish time could slow down!

Cookie Party

2009-12-14T11:43:00.002-05:00

Tonight, I'm having a cookie for the first time and I've already made one big flub.

It's the shortbread cookies I painstakingly made...

I used the wrong chocolate to dip them in. I thought a dark chocolate would work well, but it doesn't! The cookie tastes ok if you eat one side at a time LOL. Guess we will add this to the book of life lesson's learned. Try a sample of what your making before you dip 4 dozen cookies in chocolate!

At least my double chocolate chips came out great.

And I am serving a host of yummy treats from Trader Joes and Costco, from baked brie to carmelized onion tartlets. Hopefully those will make up for the pretty but crappy tasting cookies ha ha!

The bean gets a makeover...

2009-12-13T12:30:00.000-05:00

Aunt Deedee spiked his hair yesterday!

Bathroom Update

2009-12-09T20:42:00.003-05:00

We have a few walls up so you can't see through from my room to the other bedrooms anymore, yippee! Will have to post some pics of that very soon.

We've decided to do two different types of wainscoting in the bathrooms, because we are nuts for millwork. In the bean's b'room we're going with traditional beadboard with a little fancier trimwork at the baseboard and cap. Something similar to this:

And the master is going to have recessed paneling (again with fancier base and cap molding):

closest i could come to for a bathroom shot:
The lighting for over the medicine cainets arrive for the master today and I love it. Here's a shot of the style (but in polished nickel)
And here's that beautiful finish:
Finally here are the cabinet knobs for the white cabinetry in the master:
I really hope all these pieces will come together and make pretty bathrooms. Making all the design decisions feels a bit daunting.

The miner

2009-12-09T20:42:00.000-05:00

I'm Dreaming of a White...Kitchen

2009-12-07T20:28:00.009-05:00

Just like the one I used to know (sorta)...

(Excuse the monstrous images) Not sure when this dream will come true, but a girl can dream! Seeing as though we still don't even have walls or floors in our double bathroom reno there is no way possible this project will by done by Christmas like we had hoped. Oh well, so goes the way with renovating.

I have a much more laid back approach to to these projects than I ever had with our old house and it has made the whole process so much better and minimally stressful. I was joking with our plumber the other day that "All I want for Christmas is a toilet!" and he laughed and said "Well I can tell you you're not getting it," LOL. Sounds harsh when I type it, but it was a funny moment and he has also been very forthcoming with our timeline.

Tomorrow I will post more about the bathrooms and the wainscoting we are installing (two different types), by I thought I would close this post with a Christmas shot of the bean:

The dancing machine: Charlie bean

2009-12-03T14:11:00.001-05:00

Some comic relief for your Thursday :o)

The eyes get me everytime...

2009-11-29T20:38:00.001-05:00

19 months

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2009-11-28T17:35:00.001-05:00

Christmas :o)

Thankful

2009-11-27T20:50:00.002-05:00

One of the many silly faces of the bean trying to make me laugh :o)

This post is a day late but forgive me, I have a sick kitty and piles of to-dos.

I am so thankful for:
*My incredible husband who can fix anything, makes me laugh everyday and is the most wonderful father to our son
*My beautiful family that wrap their arms around me with their love and support everyday
*Amazing friends that are always there
*My faith and the knowledge that God is molding me and refining me to be a better person and better Christian as each day passes
*A safe and comforting home that we are turning into a haven for our family
*Joe's job that allows me to be with Charlie everyday and provides our family with money for the necessities and more
*the good health of all those I hold so dear
*my sweet kitty Malcolm

and of course, my sweet little bean, who makes everyday an adventure. Watching his eyes open up and discover the world is such a gift and reminds me of how even the little things in life are miraculous too.

I had to share this last little tidbit: today I got my first spontaneous hug from my little boy. Yes, he has come to me to share his love in other ways (pressing his forehead to mine, etc), but today Joe took him to Home Depot for a little outing. When they came back I was cleaning up at the sink and Charlie came right up behind me and gave my legs a big hug, totally unprompted. It melted my heart.

Wreath-making

2009-11-21T21:51:00.001-05:00

I decided I wanted to make my own wreath this year, instead of buying a new one like I've done season after season. When I looked at Homegoods the prices of the nicer wreaths were ranging from $50-$75, kinda hard to justify for fake (or real for that matter)!

So I made a trip over to Michael's, coupons in tow, and bought a basic $5 fake fir 'frame' and then I bought a bunch of little swags that looked more like real greens. Some ribbon, a set of Walmart silver balls, florist's wire and battery-pack lights and I had all the major necessities.

I know she isn't perfect, the symmetery may be off a little, but I was never into the Martha level of perfection. Knowing I made it with my own hands for half the price is satisfying enough.

Great grandpa

2009-11-19T13:17:00.001-05:00

There's been radio silence on this blog for a while because Joe's grandfather became very ill last week and was transferred to a hospice care center. Joe's grandfather passed away on Tuesday night. He was 93 and was one of the kindest men I have ever met. He always had a funny joke to share, a quick witted remark and a sparkle in his eye. I already see some of his great sense of humor in Charlie. I have comfort in knowing he is at peace and with his wife and savior.

Mini Table & Chairs Before & After

2009-11-11T14:32:00.002-05:00

My sister Kristen gave me a table and set of chairs for the bean (thanks Kris!). He has been trying to find items throughout the house to sit down on so he can"read". He has turned over trucks, pots, and baskets- not so comfy! One of our gifts for him this Christmas is going to be this set:

Since we will be renovating the kitchen next year (hopefully) to a beachy white look I figured I would paint the set so it will fit in with the future kitchen. Here's my after:

Not a perfect paint job by any means, but I think those days are over since I can only paint when Charlie naps! It will be perfect for him to enjoy reading, coloring and maybe even some play-doh-ing :o)

Tile Love

2009-11-06T21:32:00.001-05:00

If it's possible to be in love with tile then I have fallen hard.

There is something about a basketweave and it's neat, orderly design that speaks to my heart; a heart that thrives on organization. I picked up this lovely and 15 others like her today at the tile store (along with a mountain of 12x12 carrara and some carrara chair rail).

She will adorn the floor of our shower. I wish I could afford more of her but this little lady comes with a high price tag.

Polished Carrara & Bardiglio Basketweave=Pure Bliss. Worth.Every.Penny.

A day in the life of...

2009-11-05T19:05:00.003-05:00

Tonight I am so completely exhausted. Exhausted from Joe's trip away, dealing with a sick bean (he has developed a cough from his ear infection/cold), and I feel like I may be getting a cold. I have that scratchiness in the back of my throat and bone tired feel.

Joe flew back in town late last night which led to an even later night because we wanted to catch up. Then Charlie woke up at 6am which literally felt like a smack in the face. Gosh now I'm thinking of the days when he was up every two hours- not sure how I pulled myself through LOL.

Anyways, I'm babbling but the point (and yes there is one) of this post was that five minutes ago when Joe relieved me of my motherly duties for the bedtime routine I decided I would write a list. A simple little roll of all the things I can remember I did today. And here it is:

feed Charlie breakfast
feed Malcolm
make lunch for joe
wrap a couple gifts for a friend
change charlie into clothes for the day
change three diapers
give charlie his meds
play
read books
sort, wash and fold four large loads of laundry
organize laundry area
make snack for charlie
read more books
put charlie down for a nap
vacuum two rooms
complete menu planning for next week and research some ideas for winter months in cookbooks and online
write out shopping list for two stores
clip coupons
research weekly sales at store
clean up all toys
sweep the floor
very short nap for the bean change him two or three more times for the day
make lunch for the bean
go food shopping to two stores
unload car
clean out fridge
take out three bags or garbage
play more and read more books
take left over rotisserie chicken and shred meat and then freeze for enchiladas next wk
make snack for charlie
cut, core, slice 10 cps of apples that need to be eaten and make large apple crisp
play
check email quickly!
make homemade pizza since cheese will not last for much longer before spoiling
clean out the sink and start dishwasher
play
make charlie dinner- he refuses to eat any
lay on the floor for the last ten mins before Joe arrives in surrender with charlie practically jumping on my head
clean countertops and kitchen table
hand pjs, diaper and blankie to Joe and clean up Charlie's bedroom
blog!

And when I go to bed I will be praying for a good night's sleep!

Mini design dilemma

2009-11-04T19:31:00.008-05:00

Today I hit s little bump in the road with the design for the other bathroom reno (the bath for Charlie and guests). The bathroom is going to be a mixture of browns, somewhat similar to our old bathroom seen here:

We are flipping the colors in the room so the beadboard will be white and the walls Bleeker Beige. (FYI The color on the beadboard is actually Great Plans Gold). I made a trip to the marble/granite countertop company to make a deposit and asked for a sample so I could look at all my samples together. Here's everything with the exception of the plan white subway tile that will cover the three bath walls.
Without flash:

With flash:

I'm a little concerned the countertop color (Durango limestone) is a bit too light for the floor tile. What do you think?

The little reader

2009-11-04T19:31:00.002-05:00

One of my sisters handed us down a great table and chair set for the bean. My plan is to spray paint it a glossy white and then give it to him officially as one of his Christmas gifts. But lately I've noticed Charlie trying to make chairs out of many of his toys. He will turn a truck on its side and then go grab a book, back his little tush up until he feels the edge of the truck and sit down to read. So adorable. So I let him have a go at one of the chairs tonight and he loved it :o)
My little book worm!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T21:07:00.003-04:00

Our little farmer with Daddy

And Mama

Trying out the tractor

Taking her for a ride :o)

This is fun!

Daddy playin some blues- notice they have the same expression

Just hangin :o)

Hope you had a very happy Halloween!

Potentially Promising Morning

2009-10-31T12:23:00.002-04:00

Well Charlie sat in his tractor this morning and wanted to play.
A much better response than the previous shrieks of horror ha, ha.
Not sure if he'll wear it but maybe we can get a few shots of him sitting with his overalls.

With cowboy hat :o)

Happy Halloween!

A Year And A Half!

2009-10-29T22:05:00.000-04:00

My sweet boy,

It's been a long time since Mama wrote you a letter and I'm sorry for that. But I couldn't let this milestone pass us by. Yesterday you turned 18 months; a year and a half! I can't believe it, you're growing up entirely too fast for Mommy's comfort.

Charlie, you are a very social creature right now, which I find funny since your Daddy and I can tend to be on the quiet side. When you and I are out and about, I see you trying to make eye contact with everyone we come into contact with. Then you say "hi" until you have a captive audience. You'll flash a smile, giggle and try to carry on a conversation that consists of some "giggles" (a word like to use often) and other words. You close with a wave or "bye bye."

You love music and are quite the dancer. You have smoother moves than your Mama, ha, ha! You'll roll your shoulders, bop your head, bend your knees, tap dance and do a jig! You really like Trader Joe's for their fantastic music selections- especially the disco hits LOL. You also still enjoy Garth Brooks greatest hits, and anything else upbeat on the radio.

You are quite the practical jokester, you're always trying to find new ways to make me and Daddy laugh and crack yourself up in the process.

Right now your favorite thing to play with is the mini kitchen from your Aunt ChiChi & Uncle Jeff. You also love to play with your tractors and trucks, clean with Mama's dust buster and broom and stack whatever you can to climb on things. I think if you could fashion suction cups to your hands you would be crawling up the walls. You're also trying out new acrobatic moves, like somersaulting, rolling over and over and whatever else you can dream up.

You love to read books and often when we are in the kitchen and I am working at errands you'll grab me by the hand (or leg) lead me over to your books, pick one out yourself and then back up to sit in my lap. I love having that time with you.

Although now you know how to give kisses you are much more generous at blowing kisses than giving the real thing.

Charlie you are a big nature lover and would be content to play in our front yard for hours on end, scraping the trees with sticks, picking out special rocks, watching ants march and just exploring.

You also adore animals. If it has fur, feathers or scales you are in love. You are also so gentle with Malcolm, you kiss, pet and snuggle with him.

Today we had bible study and though my stomach was in knots, I prayed again that you would have fun with your friends and teachers. Guess what, my dear? I peaked in on you mid-way through and you looked like you were having a great time. Then when I went to pick you up, you were so happy to see me -and I found out-hadn't shed one tear!

My sweet boy, you have such a gentle, tender spirit to you that everyone sees when they come into contact with you. I am so honored to be your Mama and I look forward to each morning with you. I don't think I tell your Daddy enough how thankful I am to be able to spend my days with you, sweetheart. You a truly a blessing from God.

Love Always,
Mama

Really Hope He'll wear it....

2009-10-29T13:35:00.001-04:00

Getting a little closer to finished with the tractor costume. I've gotta put a little yellow stripe in there, but my biggest concern is that Charlie won't want to wear it :o( Fingers crossed.

18 months

2009-10-28T22:06:00.001-04:00

Charlie turned 18 months today. Thought I would take the list of words he is using that I jot down on our blackboard in the kitchen and add it to the blog.

There's currently several words Charlie says that I have yet to decipher, but we'll add them in once I can translate!

yum yum
tickle
pop pop (grandpa)
no no
yes, yeah
ok
owl
cat
dirt*
light
uh oh
door
mama
dada
up
wiggle
giggle
happy
mommy
malcolm, malc
bubble
ball
baby
digger*
hot
boat
apple
baba
bye bye
wow
moo (for cows)
baaa (for sheep)
raspberries (for elephants)
grrrr (for lions)

Charlie also uses baby signs for please, milk, bye bye, no & yes. Charlie is also starting to put two words together like "uh oh, dirt" or "milk please" :o) Dirt and digger are his favorite words (other than giggle).

The Best Chili Recipe EVER.

2009-10-28T18:21:00.006-04:00

Chili To Warm The Soul (Adapted from Allrecipes)

Ingredients:

2 pounds ground turkey (7% fat)
1 pound bulk sweet Italian sausage
2 (15 ounce) cans chili beans, drained, 1/2 can mashed
1 (15 ounce) can chili beans in spicy sauce
2 (28 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with juice
1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
1 large yellow onion, chopped
3 stalks celery, chopped
1 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 can diced green chile peppers
4 cubes beef bouillon (or if you have large ones just 2)
1/2 cup beer (water can be substituted)
1/4 cup chili powder
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon white sugar

Heat a large stock pot over medium-high heat. Crumble the ground chuck and sausage into the hot pan, and cook until evenly browned. Drain off excess grease.
Pour in the chili beans, spicy chili beans, diced tomatoes and tomato paste. Add the onion, celery, green and red bell peppers, chile peppers, bouillon, and beer. Season with chili powder, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, oregano, cumin, basil, salt, pepper, paprika, and sugar. Stir to blend, then cover and simmer over low heat for at least 2 hours, stirring occasionally.
After 2 hours, taste, and adjust salt, pepper, and chili powder if necessary. The longer the chili simmers, the better it will taste. Remove from heat and serve, or refrigerate, and serve the next day.
To serve, ladle into bowls, and top with corn chips and shredded Cheddar cheese.
If you like your chili spicy you can add 2 tsps tabasco sauce and 1 tsp cayenne.

John Deere Green

2009-10-27T21:14:00.002-04:00

Ready or not, here comes Halloween!

I cannot disappoint my little man, whose favorite thing on earth is a tractor.

Thanks to a creative friend (thanks Siv!) I was able to get a start on the design this afternoon. Then tonight after then bean went to bed and the kitchen was put back together I ran out to the store for some extra pieces for his costume.

I spray-painted the smokestack and 'cab'. I'll use those black paper plates for the tires, cotton for the smoke coming out of the smokestack and those mini ashtrays are going to my head lights. I'm also going to make a steering wheel out of one of those plates :o)

I picked up some elastic to make suspender straps so the box can rest on Charlie's shoulders and he looks like he is driving. This is my first attempt at a homemade costume, but I'm really enjoying the process. A lot of fun and love are going into it! Hopefully he will be excited to wear it.

One another thing to add- tonight I made a new chili recipe from Allrecipes.com that was the.best.chili.recipe.ever. It was not easy to make while trying to feed and entertain my child, but somehow it all worked out! Allrecipes is down for site maintenance tonight, but I will post that recipe tomorrow.

Sunday Walk

2009-10-25T18:55:00.003-04:00

Saturday was a literal deluge all day so when the sun was shining in our windows this morning, all three of us had the itch to get out of the house! I decided to take the camera along because we are making our way to 'peak' with the fall colors.
This is a shot of our pepperidge tree in the front yard. It has the prettiest leaves; bright cheerful yellows in the middle and pinky red at the top.

When Joe and I were looking for our house we wanted a quiet street where we would feel comfortable with Charlie playing in the front and back yards.
We feel so lucky to have found the home we did.

Here are some shots from our journey down the street:

Peace and quiet (such a contrast from our last home)!

A little brook

A beautiful old tree right in the middle of the road :o)

Someone has serious hat head, click on this picture to see the full effect :o)

And finally the pepperide tree looking up :o)

Hope you enjoyed the little tour :o)

Petting Zoo Take Two

2009-10-22T19:49:00.002-04:00

Charlie loves his furry, stinky animal friends :o)

Bible Study

2009-10-22T13:43:00.003-04:00

I started attending a bible study late last spring with Charlie. I want Charlie to have a deep and strong faith and a relationship with God; for me it's really important to learn more about the bible so I can share it with him.

The study group I attend has an opening speaker, where everyone attends together and then we break up into smaller study groups going over the lesson for the week. Once we complete the study groups we reconvene for a closing lecture. The whole weekly session is about two hours.

I can't tell you how hard it has been this fall to drop Charlie off in the baby group and have him crying and upset while I am away. The women that take care of him are so incredibly loving so that does ease my nerves. We have been trying some different techniques at having me separate, but each week is different from the last and he always cries (sometimes more than others). Today he cried when I pulled into the church driveway. If I didn't feel to the depths of my heart how vitally important it is for me to be there learning and hearing God's word then I would turn around and run as fast as I could in the other direction.

Some days I can hear Charlie crying when I am in my study group and I honestly can't focus. My stomach physically hurts every Thursday morning as we get ready. And every morning on our little five minute drive in the country I pray.

I ask God to give my sweet boy peace and comfort and to wrap his arms around him. I tried to tell Charlie today on our way over that even when Mommy can't be there, God is there; that he is never, ever alone. I know he is too young to understand the depth of those words but I hope the message will make its way to his heart in the years to come.

I am starting to feel changed by this group. As each week passes I feel as though I am being nourished by God, his word and these other women who so humbly and sincerely profess their faith. There are many women in the group that genuinely seem as if a light shines from within them. I find myself thinking, "I want that; want to be more like that!" I can only pray that God is guiding me on a path to be a little 'light' for others at some point.

Without Scaffolding

2009-10-21T14:45:00.002-04:00

Notice the little person (with blankie) in the lower right corner?

The front of my house is up!

2009-10-20T14:42:00.002-04:00

Yippee!

Not so sure about the door stain color but we'll work it out...

what do you think?

I heart my slow cooker

2009-10-20T13:10:00.000-04:00

Slow Cooker New England Clam Chowder (adapted from a recipe on Allrecipes)

1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of celery soup

1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of potato soup

1 (16 ounce) can New England clam chowder

2 (6.5 ounce) cans minced clams

1 large Idaho potato peeled and diced

1 quart half-and-half cream

1 pint heavy whipping cream

S&P to taste

Optional (two strips of cooked crispy bacon and freshly cut chives as a topping)

Directions:

1. Mix cream of celery soup, cream of potato soup, clam chowder, 1 can undrained clams, 1 can drained clams, diced potato, half-and-half cream, and whipping cream into a slow cooker.

2. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. Enjoy with Crusty bread and a salad. YUM.

Pumpkin Day Procrastinator

2009-10-19T20:25:00.003-04:00

Not sure what possessed me but about a month ago I decided that I was going to make Charlie's costume for Halloween. Since his favorite thing in the world is any type of tractor, I thought hmmm how hard could it be to make a cardboard tractor for him to wear???

Well, I still have yet to find out how difficult this project may end up being as I have accomplished zippo, save purchasing some John Deere green spray paint at Home Cheapo this weekend. Here's some inspiration:

Look at this cutie!In addition to making Charlie's costume I have to get my house Halloween ready because I am having a bunch of Charlie's toddler friends and their parents (my dear friends) over to celebrate, trick-or-treat and have a potluck dinner on All Hallow's Eve! It will be a bunch of fun, but I need to get my ducks in a row with what to make and start on my lists.

I'm one of those people, a list writer. I have lists for everyday errands, for dinner menu inspiration, for renovation projects, for everything there can be a list for. I love them and live by their tidy columns of order :o) So I'm off...to write some more lists!

Holiday Traditions

2009-10-15T20:30:00.007-04:00

When I think of holidays I think Christmas. Christmas has always been close to my heart because I get to be around the people adore most: my beautiful family. Both of my sisters and my Mom go into cooking and baking overdrive from Thanksgiving to New Year's. We try out new recipes and bring out our tried and true ones.

The holidays have a new meaning when you have a little one. It's the best thing in the world because you get to be a kid all over again. I cannot wait to see how Charlie enjoys the magic of the season. Last year he was only 8 months old; this year it will be fun to watch the wheels turning in his little analytical mind.

Here are some shots from Charlie's first Christmas.
Helping mama wrap presents:

Clearly overwhelmed, lol!

Christmas morning

Enjoying the tree and sparkly lights

love this shot and can't wait to take another this year

And because it's pretty chilly out tonight and they are calling for flurries I thought I would add a recipe to warm you up from the inside out. There's nothing like a steamy bowl of soup and some crusty bread on a cold fall night. Enjoy!

Cream of Six Onion Soup

3/4 lb of Spanish Onions, sliced

3/4 lb of Vidalia Onions, sliced

½ lb red onions, sliced

1 lb leeks, white and pale green parts only, cleaned and sliced

1 bunch scallions, chopped

¼ lb shallots sliced

6 tbsp butter

11/2 quarts chicken stock (extra large can)

1 cup heavy cream

Salt and pepper to taste

In a large saucepan over medium heat cook all the onions in the butter until translucent, about ten minutes; do not brown. Add the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and cook until the onions are tender, about ten to fifteen minutes. Puree the soup in a food processor blender until smooth. Return to the saucepan; stir in heavy cream and season with salt and pepper. You can make this more of a substantial meal by serving with a Caesar salad and crusty French bread and butter. Makes two quarts of soup.

Now go over to lovely Miss Marie's website and see the rest of the party!

Siding Shots

2009-10-13T15:00:00.001-04:00

the new door (trim work in progress)

Swiss cheese holes are from blown-in insulation.

I don't think I could ever be a designer because the shear number of decisions I need to make on the current reno projects are staggering. My head is ready to explode from staring at bathroom lighting for days, trying to find something stylish, low priced but quality and within our specs is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I will also say that I am blessed to be able to make these changes to the house and know everything will fall into place- at some point!

Hooked on Crystal Lighting

2009-10-09T19:22:00.003-04:00

I'm contemplating a sparkly light fixture in the master bath. Not sure if this is a good design choice or not, but I thought it would look pretty with polished chrome fixtures, white cabinetry and gray/white carrera marble- what do you think? As a preface to the pictures, this light would be no larger than 9 in in diameter; a petite crystal light.

This is an inspiration pic, no doubt its way out of the budget at $500+

Some lower priced options:

And this one although shown in gold comes in silver too:

Are crystal light fixtures dated or a 'do'? Please go see what everyone else is hooked on today :o)

Bathroom Cabinetry

2009-10-05T21:08:00.003-04:00

For the master (picture this cabinet in creamy white):

and Charlie/Guest Bath (in a deeper mahogany finish):

Getting closer to choosing paint colors too.
I think BM's Bleeker Beige would pop against creamy white beadbord and dark wood cabinetry in Charlie's Bath.

The master is where I am having more issues. I'd like to do a lighter version of a muted blue in the bath and then go deeper in the bedroom. Just throwing a few colors out there, haven't really settled anywhere yet. I'm looking for something that will draw out the cool tones of the carrera marble.Wedgewood Gray for the bedroom?
Paint colors are not my forte' so any suggestions are more than welcome!

Touch a Truck

2009-10-05T21:04:00.001-04:00

was too cool for words :o)

Progress :o)

2009-10-02T16:57:00.001-04:00

A view of the plastic 'doorway' to our bedroom, reminds me of the oxygen tents from ET.

Bathrooms with new windows and nothing else, lol.

Siding progress!

Happy Weekend :o)

Hooked on bathroom fixtures

2009-10-02T14:10:00.004-04:00

After lots of research and many hours surfing through faucet websites, I have settled on the above lav fixture for our master bath reno. Who knew these things were so expensive?!
As we are currently updating two bathrooms I'm trying to save in every way I can without sacrificing in the quality department. The faucet above is made by Symmons, a company that offers a lifetime home owner warranty on all their products. It's offered at Home Depot.

The runner up was this lovely from Newport Brass:
Pretty but pricey at $560 especially when we need two- ouch! Then you add in the shower and tub systems is the price goes up exponentially. Hope I made the right choice, at least my wallet thinks so!

And here are Charlie's bathroom fixtures:

Now go take a look at what everyone else is hooked on today.

the reason I haven't been blogging

2009-10-01T13:28:00.003-04:00

Current Reno projects (all happening at the same time):

Siding
Insulating
Two upstairs bathrooms
Front Door
Tree/landscaping

Ahhhh!!